Dead Girl
by Zenkindoflove
Summary: AU/EB. Roaming through the Alaskan forest, newborn Bella comes across a group of vampires who share her lifestyle. Through them, she meets someone who shines a light onto this dark world. But will her past stay buried like she wants? Chapter 11 now up!
1. Prologue

**AN: **This is my first stab at trying out a Twilight chapter story. It's an idea that has been in my head for months and I've finally found some time to hash it out. Thanks ahead to anyone who reads and reviews this fic. :) These first two chapters are a little short but I promise the story will get meatier as it goes along. I hope to update pretty regularly.

**Pairing:** Edward/Bella

**Summary**: AU/EB. Roaming through the Alaskan forest, newborn Bella comes across a group of vampires who share her lifestyle. Through them, she meets someone who shines a light onto this dark world. But will her past stay buried like she wants?

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Dead Girl

Prologue -

Driving along in his police cruiser, Charlie Swan swept his eyes over the empty streets of Forks, Washington. His nightly patrol, uneventful and routine, consisted of leaving the police station to drive home, passing by most of the little town along the way. He pulled into his driveway, parking just before the pink tricycle that hadn't moved in thirteen years. Stomping up his front steps, he made sure his boots were clean before stepping into his house. After his gun was put away and his uniform shirt removed, he hobbled over to his beige couch, feeling the tension accumulated from the day twist and pull the muscles of his back.

He lounged in the nook of the couch, condensation collecting on his fingertips from the beer warming in his hand. His nightly ritual consisted of eating frozen bean burritos and watching re-runs of Roseanne followed by the 10 o'clock news. By then a buzz would finally hit him, and he'd retire to the bedroom for an alcohol induced sleep. He was on his fourth beer, working towards a fifth when the telephone rang.

He wiped his mustache on the sleeve of his jacket, shuffling towards the phone. Hoping he didn't have to leave the house on a call, he propped an arm against the refrigerator, cradling the phone to his ear. The last thing he needed was a broken down camper or looking for Mrs. Harris again, wandering the streets in a midnight dementia haze.

"Yeah."

Silence crackled on the other end, empty and aggravating.

"Hello?" He pressed his brow into the palm of his hand.

"Charlie."

Her voice still sounded just like a child, so open and longing of anything real. His heart skipped two beats, waiting for him to make the next move.

"Renee?"

"Oh, Charlie," she choked on the words. "Charlie!"

"What is it?" A growl stirred deep in his chest, "What happened?"

"Bella…"

Her sobs drowned the words lost in her mouth. The anger Charlie had felt, the one that always fiercely awakened every time she cried had fled his body, seeking shelter away from what she would say next. With the phone gripped tightly in his fist, he mustered up the courage to ask a question he didn't want the answer to.

"What about Bella, Renee?"

"She's gone."


	2. Chapter 1

- Chapter 1 -

Moss squished between my toes, gripping at the soles like seaweed. The forest terrain of the northwest was a vast change from the deserts of Arizona. But I have come to find that just like every smooth grain of sand felt wonderful sliding against my naked feet, the wet dirt and lush green vegetation just could not be properly enjoyed wearing shoes.

No longer having to wear shoes is the only part of this existence I enjoy. Renee was very counter culture in every way she raised me, and she believed shoes should never been worn in the house. A home was a place to completely be yourself, she would say, though I can't remember a single instance. Memories like those slip away more and more, my new photographic memory overwriting the space on my hard drive. I do remember always feeling smothered wearing shoes, not to mention I could barely coordinate myself. Sneakers were just one more thing for me to trip over. All of that was different now. Grace comes naturally to me, as natural as the burn forever singeing my throat.

The northwest has proven to be a wise decision in direction. I thought about heading across the Midwest where it would just be the open fields and my terrible self, but I chose to travel towards Canada instead, curious about how the Arizona winter I was used to would feel like in July. Despite the desert rat traits of my former self, this new indestructible body gave me limitless bounds to explore everything new, and restricting me from ever revisiting my old life again.

I crouched down beside a running stream. Like a high-tech camera lens, my eyes focused in and out, noticing tiny hairs recently shed. Two deer had just been here. Smelling the damp musk in the earth, my lungs filled with the crisp air as I strained the muscles in my neck. The burn spread from the deep base of my throat to my open mouth, screaming for mercy. The thought of drinking from deer again irked me, but I haven't hunted since I crossed the Canadian border. I must be all the way to Alaska by now. With a pouty huff, I turned on my heel and followed the scent.

It wasn't hard to find them. They had split off in different directions but didn't venture far from one another. I followed the buck's trail, letting the air I inhaled guide me, zoning in on my target. The closer I got, the more my throat ached, pulsating with a carnal longing. I could taste every molecule of his pheromones saturating the air as I closed the distance. Once my eyes zeroed in on his strong neck, I charged, sinking my teeth into a throbbing artery, sucking along with the beat of his wet, pounding heart. The warm blood coated my throat, silencing the ache with its liquid flow.

As lost I become in the hunt, there is still always a dim part of me that cringes against the act and scolds me for continuing to live this way. I like to believe it's a part of the Bella that once was, still trying to meekly find her place in this thing that replaced her. I didn't feel all bad or even evil like the others that I had come across, but I didn't feel like _me_. I'm still trying to figure out if that's a good or a bad thing. It's hard to miss the person that died just a little over a year ago when I didn't even know who she really was to begin with. Maybe if I was just given a little longer, I could have had time to find out.

I returned to the stream again to wash off my hands and face. I was getting better. I no longer had to sneak into stranger's houses (when they were miles away of course) to steal clothes because my own were ripped or soaking in blood. I still always left my kill with my fingers dripping red where the tips punched through the spaces of my prey's ribs, holding it in place. I really don't mean to do that, but I'm still getting used to my own strength. I feel like a child who pets the dog too hard because it doesn't know what it means to inflict pain on something else, except cognitively I know very well what I'm doing. My body just can't catch up. But just like everything, control gets better with practice, and that includes my demonic cravings for blood. I still don't trust myself to get to close to crowded cities, for fear the excruciating pain that occurs when a human is around will take over me once and for all, but I can now stalk a mountain lion, and even the not so satisfying deer, without pouncing and ripping the thing to shreds right away. Maybe one day the same will be for people.

After rinsing my hands I continued westward towards snow covered mountains just beyond the forest. After 20 minutes of running, I stumbled upon a scent that curved my spine in a defensive stance. It was the smell of the others. I wasn't sure what they were, but instinct told me to treat them as a threat. I knew they were just like me, strong and fast; they craved humans the way I did, but were more ruthless to act on those visceral reactions.

This scent was much different than the other times. I had always crossed these creatures' paths when they were alone; only once was there a pair. This scent suggested a pack of them resided in this area, possibly permanently. I hadn't encountered a group like this since the first time, something I never wanted to experience again. I switched my trajectory to the north, hoping I could go around the group without them sensing me, but I wasn't a mile in the other direction when one scent discriminated itself from the rest, indicating she had separated from the pack and was gaining on me. I stopped and stiffened in my place, knowing very well that when one of them wanted to speak with you, it was best to face the situation rather than putting off the inevitable by having them chase you for 3 days. I waited, ready to give my excuse and let her know I didn't know this was a marked territory.

I didn't expect her to approach me smiling. She was gorgeous, as they all were, with a long braid of blonde hair hanging over her left shoulder. Her step was light and bouncy, and she bounded towards me like I was some new play thing of hers. When she got closer, I noticed her eyes were not the same dark red pools of the others. They were two golden amber jewels, sparkling laughter at me as she stared into my own eyes. She looked more like an angel then the demons I was used to.

"Alice said you'd come," she stated as if I was supposed to understand what that meant. I just stared back at her, still hunched over in my defensive stance.

"I'm Kate," she extended her hand to me. I stared at her snow white fingers, confused at the cordial gesture. Everything about them was animalistic… uncivilized. And yet here this strange eyed, imitation of the monster I knew she was supposed to be, expecting to greet me as if we were still human beings.

I gingerly put my hand in hers.

"Your name?" She giggled.

"My name?" I heard my twinkling voice echo. "My name is Bella."

"Well come on, Bella," she smiled warmly, turning her butterscotch eyes to the west. "Why not take a rest with us for a while."

Still holding my hand, she guided me towards whoever "us" was supposed to be.


	3. Chapter 2

**AN:** A big thanks to everyone that favorited and added this story to alert and especially to everyone who reviewed! I really enjoyed reading your responses!

As some of you probably have noticed, this story is going to stick mostly to canon as far as vampire lore (and couples) are concerned, with just a few tweeks here and there. As far as Bella's power and her behaviors, it's going to stick to the way it is in Breaking Dawn, mostly because I always liked the idea and it'll become important later on in the fic. This chapter explores that aspect more.

I hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think. :)

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- Chapter 2 –

Kate lived in what I could only describe as a palace for a lumberjack princess. The house stood in a clearing of the forest, but it seemed to belong to the land as much as the trees around it. As we approached, I could smell that there were four others waiting for our return. My shoulders tensed, and I felt the grip Kate had on my hand tightened. She hadn't let go yet. It felt comforting to be touched this way. I would almost feel human again if we weren't running at top speed.

The interior of the house matched the exterior's beauty. The front corridor paved an entry way of hard wood floors, leading to a high ceiling living room with a cobble stoned fire place. Four amber eyed creatures sat waiting for us on white leather couches. As we entered the room, one of the three women stood up, her strawberry-blonde hair curling around her waist. A stern expression and assertive approach lead me to assume she was their leader.

"Tanya," she offered a hand. Kate pulled away from me, and I didn't realize I had such a tight grip on her. I reached out, accepting Tanya's greeting while bowing my head.

"Bella."

"What brings you here, Bella?" she asked in a calm yet demanding voice.

"Well," I suddenly felt as if I actually needed a purpose to be wandering. "I've never been here before."

Her thin, pale eyebrows raised in amusement. I replayed the moment in my head, wondering if I could have come up with something wittier to say.

"So you didn't come looking for us?"

I shook my head. "No, I didn't realize this area had been claimed."

Kate spoke up beside me, much to my relief, offering an explanation. "I guess we just assumed when Alice told us she was coming that she'd be looking specifically for us."

I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, or who this Alice was and why she knew I'd be here. Had she been following me? My tracking was mediocre at best, and I still had trouble filtering my senses, but I thought I was at least apt enough to know when I was being followed.

A Spanish woman sitting beside the only male, who I presumed to be her mate, spoke up, "Why don't you have a seat, Bella." A smile warmed her bronze features, and I felt it would be rude to decline her invitation and leave like I so desperately wanted. I took a seat at the far end of the couch next to a third blonde that still remained quiet.

Tanya settled in a recliner across from me, regal enough to be a queen. Her eyes studied me, judging my physique and posture. I felt the rest of their eyes crawl over my skin, especially the male with his brow line clenched tensely across his forehead.

"How long have you been drinking from animals?" Tanya finally spoke, turning her eyes back to my own.

Weighed down in my seat by their judgmental eyes, my brain kicked into overdrive. I wasn't sure how this group would react to my abstinence. None of the other vampires I had come in contact with had ever guessed my secret. I also did not have a sit down conversation with any of them either. From what I could tell about the others, if drinking from animals ever crossed their mind, it didn't for long. They embraced and wielded the bloodlust like a weapon from the gods. Lying to blend in always served as a useful tactic, but these creatures differed vastly in just about every aspect I observed. Lying didn't seem appropriate especially the way Tanya asserted that she already knew the truth.

"I guess about a year now. That's how long ago I was changed."

"A new born resisting human blood?" the male exclaimed. "Who is your creator?"

I quickly cast my eyes down to the floor, pushing back the painful memories. "I don't really know his name. I was not with him for long. He drank from humans though."

"Interesting. I wonder…" His voice drifted off, not finishing whatever his thoughts were about me.

"You see, we abstain from human blood as well," Tanya spoke again. "There are so few of our kind, we figured it couldn't be just a coincidence that you would come to see us. Alice is a friend of ours who has the ability to see things in the future, and she said an animal drinker would be coming to see us soon."

I licked my dry lips, the skin still smooth and never chapping. "How did you know I only drink from animals?"

"Your eyes, of course!" Kate piped in. "I'm sure you've noticed our own are so different than human drinking vampires."

I nodded and reached my fingers to my bottom eyelids.

"Have you not noticed the change in your eye color?" Tanya cocked her head to the side.

"Honestly," I chuckled awkwardly. "I haven't looked in a mirror in months."

The blonde sharing the couch with me sped off to another room and returned within a second. She presented a hand held mirror, encouraging me with a brilliant smile. I positioned the mirror in front of my face, gasping at the site before me. Burgundy and black no longer stained my reflection. Two bright orange rings blazed, staring back into themselves.

"The irises lighten." The blonde next to me explained. "Just give it a few more months and they'll be gold."

For the first time in a year, I had something to look forward to.

* * *

They told me I could stay with them as long as I wanted, and I accepted, feeling completely awkward about the situation. I didn't believe companionship of any kind would be a possibility for me at this point, but it wasn't until that first night that it struck me how much I ached for contact. They offered me a spare room that I could use for privacy anytime I wanted, and I found that I stayed in it a lot, falling easily into my recluse habits again. Tanya, Kate and Irina were great, but it was hard trying to fit into their close knit, sisterly circle. Kate was the most enjoyable to get along with, and I found myself bonding with her much more than the others. Tanya assumed the role as a mentor of sorts, teaching me her philosophy on the sanctity of human life and the rules associated with this kind of lifestyle, especially if I ever wanted to interact with people later on. She still intimidated me, but I found that she was a very easy going person, and as long as I gave her no reason to be upset with me, I had no reason to be afraid or feel unwelcome.

Eleazer and Carmen were like adoptive grandparents, though both looked far too young for such a title. Always warm and loving towards me, they talked extensively about all they had experienced in their lives. Eleazer told tales about his time serving under the Volturi (a group whose existence I was completely ignorant towards) and how his ability is to sense the special powers of other vampires. He informed me he could feel my shielding as soon as I walked up the steps of their front porch, and that I possessed one of the strongest shields he had ever encountered. I wasn't completely sure what that meant until Kate showed me her own little power by shocking Irina (which she was none too happy about). Luckily, whatever Kate was doing to her didn't seem to work on me.

Though still a bit of an outcast, a role I was more then used to, it felt nice to belong. I didn't feel so much like a monster being around them, and they showed me a side to this thing I've become that I didn't think was possible. They joked just like the people from my past life, spoke fondly of both human and vampire memories of long ago, and even read books. Everything about their way of life was so refreshingly civilized. Why couldn't I have found them sooner?

Another group of vampires they referred to as 'the Cullens' were mentioned frequently in my talks with Tanya. She said that Carlisle, who was the leader of this clan, had introduced her to the idea of "vegetarianism." He's apparently some kind of rebel in the vampire world since he has never tasted human blood (other then when he changed members of his family) and insists on interacting in the human world by practicing medicine. Most of his family is made of couples: he and his wife Esme, and his "children" Rosalie and her husband Emmett. Alice, the seer I had heard of before, and her husband Jasper were the latest additions to his clan, choosing to live with the group because of their similar eating habits. Edward, the first vampire Carlisle ever changed, was the only solitary member of the clan, and I felt drawn to his existence the most. Maybe he'd be easier to get to know.

Tanya spoke fondly of their soon-to-be move back to Alaska. Every couple of years, they left a place to ward off any suspicions due to their noticeable presence with humans. Their house wasn't very close to Tanya and her family, but they all seemed excited that this meant they could see more of each other now. I was curious about meeting this other group, though I felt that what with their own unique bonds they would be harder to get to know compared to the five I live with now. Eleazer was even more excited for me to meet them because he wanted to see what the "talented Cullen bunch" could do against my own shield. The idea of becoming center of attention mortified me.

The day before the Cullens were expected to visit, Tanya suggested we go hunting together. I was a little confused since I mostly hunted with Kate and sometimes Irina would join. Tanya liked to go off on her own during the process, using the time to find moments to herself. I knew by this change in behavior there must be something important she wanted to discuss with me.

After taking down a small herd of deer, Tanya and I found a resting place by a stream. I became mesmerized watching her feed. I knew it was something private and personal for each of us, but I couldn't help watching her. She balanced grace and terrifying power, radiating a beauty and control I could only dream of one day possessing. To say I admired her would be an understatement. I coveted her confidence and certainty in herself. For a while, I had been surprised she didn't have a mate of her own, along with her other sisters. The only explanation I thought of was that they felt completely whole already.

Tanya perched on a log next to me combing her fingers through her hair. I waited quietly for her to begin.

"You're a very powerful vampire, Bella." She turned her head to look directly at me, though I could not return her gaze.

"No, I'm not."

"It's a shame you can't see yourself clearly." She looked out into the distance as I continued to stare at the ground. "It was different for me when I was turned. The world was a slower, quieter place. All I ever had were my sisters and the woman who created us, and that was all I ever needed. It must be hard having to leave a world where you were surrounded by others all the time."

"I miss my mother the most," A hollow place inside me throbbed. "She was my best friend."

Tanya nodded her head beside me. "Bella, why haven't you told us how you were changed?"

I froze in my spot, the muscles in my arms tensing. I franticly tried to keep my composure. "There isn't anything to tell," I began, clearing my throat. "I was going home one night and I just woke up like this."

Tanya shook her head, her long locks bouncing. "You're entitled to your secrets. What I brought you out here is to tell you I've noticed your hesitance and fear, even after living with us for these few weeks." She turned her head away from the horizon, her eyes boring into my own. "This world we live in, you have every reason to be on defense and even afraid, but you are just as much a part of that terrifying power as the rest of us, and believe me when I say… one day you'll find you are a force to be reckoned with."

She stood up and left, leaving me with my thoughts and insecurities.


	4. Chapter 3

**AN:** Thank you for the response to the next chapter! I'm really happy this story is intriguing some of you. Your reviews and alert subscriptions made my week. :) Classes start for me on Monday, so writing these chapters will become a bit slower. Luckily, I have the next two chapters written out already so maybe that'll be a good buffer. I fully intend to finish this story though so no worries.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I look forward to your reviews!

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- Chapter 3 –

I waited in my room most of the day of the Cullen's announced visit. Irina obsessively cleaned everything, down to the cracks in the floors, while the rest discussed how long it had been since they had seen the other group. I just felt sick to my stomach. Carmen had attempted to reassure me that Carlisle was interested in meeting me because of my independent decision to abstain from human blood as well as my "gift". Little did she know it only made me even more nervous. I felt like I should be preparing for some kind of job interview, rehearsing my answers and getting ready to display my special skills.

It surprised me that they arrived in cars, a black Mercedes and a silver Volvo. I guess I had expected they would travel on foot as I had done. As soon as they parked, I stepped away from my bedroom window and walked out to the living room where the rest were waiting, grins pulled back to their ears. Kate gestured at a spot next to her on the love seat, and I quickly sat down, folding my hands in my lap. One aspect of vampirism I enjoyed, other then my characteristic blushing disappearing for good, was being able to sit perfectly still. It made hiding nervousness much easier.

A tall, blonde male walked in first, followed by a much shorter brunette female who wore heels and bright red lipstick. Tanya was the first to run up and offer a hug, referring to them as Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle's face appeared much softer than I imagined, more like a quiet scientist than some out casted revolutionary leader of the vampire world I had envisioned. I pictured haggard and maybe a big scar on his face. He and his wife quickly turned their eyes on me as soon as Tanya released them. I sat up a little straighter, meeting the leader's gaze, but Carmen lassoed him into a tight hug, breaking the contact.

Two more couples followed behind them. A slender blonde female who was even more beautiful than the sisters, which at this point I didn't believe could be possible, wore a tight smile stained across her lips as she greeted everyone. To her right was an equally extraordinary male, built like a wrestler but with a sweet, boyish face. He lifted Kate and Irina up together in a massive bear hug, showing off his burly strength. Waiting patiently for their turn were who I could only assume to be Alice and Jasper (making the previous two Rosalie and Emmett). Alice looked even tinier than Tanya's description, her pixie eyes zeroing in on me. She grinned and flapped her hand in a wave as if we were old friends. This outburst earned a grin from Jasper who had previously been wearing a stoic expression, matching the intimidating scars that peppered his face.

Between all of the warm exchanges and trying to figure out who was who based on brief descriptions from stories, I almost forgot to look for the last, lonely Cullen. Hearing about how the Cullens related to one another, I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Edward, being the first one created by Carlisle but still had not found his own mate all while living in a house filled with couples. He stepped in a few seconds after everyone else. I almost didn't notice him standing at the end of the hall, but as soon as I did I couldn't tear my eyes away. I had a few crushes in my human life, but I had never been so physically shaken by a boy before. And that's exactly what Edward appeared to be, a teenage boy no older than I was at my own change. His features were sharp and masculine, his hard jaw and high cheekbones squaring his face out, but he did not carry the weathered signs of aging like Carlisle, or even Emmett or Jasper to an extent, all who were still young looking in their own right. What was the most shocking thing about him though was his tousled, bronze hair. I had never seen such an unique color before, and I only wanted to get closer and examine the strands close up, seeing if it felt as soft as it appeared. I must have had a stupid expression on my face because as soon as he noticed me staring, he lifted a single eyebrow in confusion. If I weren't already bloodless and dead, my face would be two shades of red.

I awkwardly waited as the train of hugs and kisses continued. I felt more out casted and out of place than ever, like an intruder on their warm family moment. After one hug would be over, a pair of golden eyes would stare back at me until the next hug started again, everyone getting a glimpse of the newbie. All the while I kept stealing millisecond glances over in Edward's direction. He didn't seem to notice.

"Bella," Tanya finally spoke, "I'd like you to meet the Cullens." And she proceeded to introduce them each, pointing to them respectively. I received warm smiles from some and short, curt nods from the others. To my chagrin, Edward was one of the curt nods.

"Everyone, this is Bella, the one we spoke of."

Alice belted a high pitch squeal and bounded over to where I sat on the couch. She crashed her tiny frame into my own, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Oh Bella!" she sighed. "I have been waiting for this moment for weeks!"

"Uh, okay." I replied, patting her lightly on the back, unsure of what else to do.

"Alice is the more… excitable one of our bunch." Carlisle spoke, followed by a collective chuckle. Everyone took seats around the room with Alice perching right next to me, and Jasper lounging on the arm next to her. Edward took a chair that had been pulled out from the dining room which put him on the far outside of the circle. I noticed Tanya frowned at his choice.

"It's been too long, Carlisle," Tanya turned her attention back to the rest of the group. "We're so happy to have you back."

"We're glad to be back." Carlisle placed a hand over Esme's, smiling down at his wife. "We love the house in Forks but Alaska will always feel like our home with you here."

Forks? I wondered if they meant Forks, Washington. I felt the urge to ask but inhibited myself at the last second. Eleazer leaned forward, looking between Jasper and Edward.

"So are either of you getting anything off of her?"

I sat stiffly in my seat. I had totally forgotten amongst all of the greetings that this meeting was also intended to test how far this shield of mine protected me. Eleazer said Jasper possessed a powerful sense of empathy, able to feel and manipulate the emotions around him, and even more frighteningly, Edward had the ability to read anyone's mind within a certain distance of him. No wonder he must have looked at me so strangely. He probably heard every word of my shameless ogling.

"She is obviously very nervous, and I can see the more defensive reactions of a newborn in her, though she is amazingly controlled. But I am not feeling any of it," Jasper studied me carefully. I wanted to disappear in the cushions of the couch.

All eyes turned on Edward then. I waited in fear of what his answer would be. His jaw clenched and he quickly casted his eyes away from me.

"Nothing."

I instantly relaxed, my shoulders falling limp.

"Amazing," Carlisle studied me in awe. "I have never heard of a shield like this. Only Aro's body guard of sorts comes to mind." He took a long pause, pondering. "And you can't feel Kate's shocks either?"

I shook my bowing head.

"A purely mental block," Eleazer explained. "And it's one of the strongest energies I have felt. I'm positive I could sense that power even if she were human."

"I think that's plausible, Jasper." Edward said. I snapped my head at him, surprised. No one else seemed to find it odd.

"What were thinking?" Carlisle asked the sandy blonde male. Oh right, mind reading.

"She's just too controlled for a newborn," he shook his head from side to side, almost as if he were disturbed. "You all know it takes at least a decade to get to this level of control, of both the thirst and processing. It's just… I'm wondering if she's shielding parts of the change. The intensity of the cravings…"

"I had considered the same thing the first time I met her," Eleazer added.

"It's very intense." I rebutted. I could feel a wash of anger flood over me. I didn't like them assuming what struggles I had and had not been through.

"Not to the point that you have slipped up… or even were able to resist human blood in the first place." Jasper gave a cynical laugh. I had a feeling I was being mocked.

"Well, Alice resisted human blood as a newborn as well," Carlisle joined in.

"I did have your guidance in my visions though," Alice chimed back. "It's just amazing that you haven't needed anyone to help you, Bella." Alice patted me on my thigh. "That's all."

"I think it's wonderful," Carlisle smiled at me, scooting to the edge of his seat. His face lit up in fascination. "What made you stop the first time?"

Flashes of warm, black blood and bobbing heads zipped through my head. _No, not now. Not now!_ "Well…" I began speaking, distracting myself from the memory. "I just couldn't. It felt wrong."

Carlisle nodded his head, understanding. Everyone else averted their eyes, small frowns pulling their lovely features down. They didn't seem to agree with my statement, though I knew they all followed this same philosophy. It made me wonder if he was the only one with a clean record.

Luckily for me, the attention of the discussion was drawn to other areas, mostly concerning the move and what their story was this time around. It was quickly explained to me that they assume the identity as an adoptive family wherever they go, the younger ones repeating high school and college over and over again. Alice and Edward had just graduated from high school, again, just a month before.

"So no one notices how different you all look?" I asked.

"The differences are more subtle to humans," Carlisle explained. "And Edward helps notify us if anyone's suspicions start."

"Most humans notice something is off," Edward followed up, holding my entire attention with his smooth voice. The aloof way his words rolled off his tongue only intrigued me more. "But in this day in age, assuming what the truth really is just seems childish and insane to most of them. A lot just assume we have some rare kind of pigment disease."

My shoulders sagged heavily at my sides. Technically I asked the question, though I felt as if he wasn't answering me directly. He hadn't looked at me once that I could tell since he walked through the door. I didn't even know him, but I already wanted his approval, even just his attention. It was completely silly of me, but I was already hoping to form some kind of friendship with him just because we were lonely compared to the others. Maybe he preferred it that way.

The circle discussion dissipated after a while, everyone breaking off into smaller groups carrying on their own conversations. Rosalie, Kate, and Irina grouped together and Carlisle and Esme chatted with Carmen and Eleazer with Tanya mildly listening. Emmett seemed very interested in figuring out how to work the television, which I had never actually seen any of them use. Edward joined him soon after, and it seemed like he was showing him something on the remote. Alice had me trapped in a conversation, which was beginning to turn more into a pop quiz.

"Open or closed toe heels?"

"Uh, closed?"

"Liquid or pencil eyeliner?"

"I'm not sure. Both are okay."

"Online or store shopping?"

"Neither? I don't know. I'm not really into shopping and stuff."

"Not into shopping?" Her eyes widened as if I had just uttered something unspeakable. "How can you not be into shopping? What do you do for clothes and make-up and shoes and just pretty things in general?"

I held my lips together, afraid of how she'd react to my answer. "I mostly just let my mom get me stuff or I'd rummage through her old clothes when I was human. I haven't thought much about clothes since my change."

"Well, vintage can very hip, but since you're going to be my best friend, we'll have to work on more modern looks for you."

Alice jabbered on and on about all the new outfit ideas she already had lined up for me. I wasn't sure why she was convinced we'd be best friends. I guess there could be worst things. At least I didn't have to worry about talking much with her. She did enough of that for the both of us and didn't seem to notice I wasn't putting much comment on the subject. Jasper just sat there, mostly ignoring her like this was something he was more then used to.

I scanned my eyes back over to Edward. Tanya had walked over to the two guys, waving her hands around and laughing. I guess Emmett had finally figured out the TV and started surfing through their channels. Tanya quickly turned her attention towards Edward, shifting her whole body so that she was facing him like a pointer guide dog. I watched carefully as she placed a hand on his forearm, looking up at him through her lashes. I focused my hearing on them, tuning Alice completely out.

"It's been a long time, Edward," Tanya's voice dropped a few octaves, sultry and throaty.

My attention snapped back like a boomerang, now trying to tune out whatever she could be referring to with him. Embarrassment and anger boiled in my body, my thoughts running a mile a minute. Were they together? Obviously not officially if they lived in two separate families. Did this mean they just had a casual sexual relationship? Friends with benefits? The way she touched his arm and flirted with him seemed to suggest so. I felt silly for my little crush, my hopes that we might be friends. I would be lying to say the idea of being more didn't fascinate me once I saw how beautiful he was.

I dared to peak in their direction again. Tanya was now overtly giggling, something I had never seen her do, at whatever he said to her, her strawberry blonde curls bouncing with her laughs. And while his back was to me, I had a feeling he was smiling as well.

"Bella? Are you listening?" Alice waved her tiny hand in my face.

"Oh," I blinked once and turned my face towards the pixie girl. "Um, I think I might have zoned out."

Alice smiled, "That's okay. You're still a newborn. It's understandable. Anyways, I was saying…"

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**AN2:** Yes, I'm aware that Jasper not being able to get a read on Bella is away from canon, but that part of the series never really made sense to me.

Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 4

AN: Oh wow! You guys are seriously amazing! All of your reviews and alerts seriously encouraged me ten-fold about this story. I really enjoyed all of your insights into what I'm doing. Please, keep it up! It means a lot to me that this little story in my head is actually interesting to others.

Here is the fourth chapter. I'm still a bit ahead so the next two updates will come fairly soon as well. The semester just started today, but I definitely won't go on hiatus or make you guys wait too long. Writing this fic is sort of my way of unwinding during all the crazy.

I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

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- Chapter 4 –

I watched Tanya and Edward's interactions closely for the rest of the night. The more I absorbed, the more I realized my initial response might have been a little too reactive and made in haste. When Tanya would reach out to touch him, Edward would swiftly dodge her hand, his movements fluid and subtle. I noticed he would not engage her first, but rather she would approach him, practically putting on a show for his attention while he would politely entertain her for a second and find a way to retreat. I couldn't be completely sure, but it was as if Tanya's forwardness seemed to embarrass him for some reason; her attentiveness making him feel ashamed. None of this encouraged me, however. If he could so easily deny Tanya's advances, he would certainly treat me as if were a leper.

The group congregated based on hierarchy, which I had come to realize, was heavily instinctual among our kind. The longer a vampire existed on this earth, the more he or she was treated with respect and lifted to the status of a leader. Esme easily socialized with the older vampires, despite being one of the youngest, due to her bond with Carlisle. In a way, it felt as if we were being separated children from adults, or maybe more like clan and clan. The rest of the Cullens eventually found their way to one another again, with the exception of Carlisle and Esme, preferring each other's company. It surprised me that I too considered in this social circle, despite me living with the Denalis (as I had heard Alice refer to them). Maybe it wasn't such a surprise since Alice hadn't let go of me since she walked through the door. Wherever she went, I followed in her iron grip. I sensed that physically I could easily over power her, but I didn't put up much of a fight. I guess I had to admit she was growing on me.

We all mingled around the television while Emmett watched the only thing on at 3 in the morning: 20 minute long info-mercials. Edward finally submitted to defeat of carrying on a conversation with the other group, choosing to join our circle. Acutely aware of his passing right behind me, I sucked in a breath as the sleeve of his shirt grazed across my shoulder blade. I eyed him carefully as he chose to lean on the corner of the entertainment center, his arms folding stubbornly across his chest.

Emmett burst out in random laughter, his chuckles booming off the walls and shaking the recliner he lounged against. Edward's scowl darkened, shooting daggers at him while the rest chuckled in amusement, all in on some secret joke. I looked to Alice, confused, but instead of filling me in, she stood on her tippy toes and whispered, "I'll tell you later."

A low, warning growl rumbled in Edward's throat, shooting an electric ripple down my arms. Alice's tinkling laugh followed as she covered her mouth with her hands.

"Don't be such a sore sport, Edward," Rosalie snidely commented, combing her fingers through her long blonde hair.

"Oh, I'm sure he's sore alright," Emmett threw in, elbowing at Jasper's thigh. Everyone laughed once more while Edward rolled his eyes.

Since the first time he walked into the house, Edward lifted up his eyes to meet my own. The golden rings gleamed, expecting something from me. I froze, wondering if he wanted me to respond in some way. I gently smiled back at him, testing out this new interaction. A slight frown curved across his face, and he broke the contact, his smooth features recoiling into his previous scowl. I remained frozen, trying to process what I could have possibly done wrong.

"Let's go for a run, Bella!" Alice had me out the door before I could consider protesting. As my feet peddled through the grass and dirt, running side by side with her, I recognized this is just what I needed. Everything about the situation back at the house was suffocating: new faces, prying questions, and a gorgeous boy who wouldn't give me the time a day. What more can a girl, vampire or not, handle?

When we were well out of ear shot of the house, Alice found a large oak tree, its roots erupting from the earth making a quaint resting spot for us.

"If we didn't get out of there right then, I'd never find this opportunity," Alice laughed, wiping her forehead for dramatic purposes only. I felt my face break out into a smile, wondering why Alice would characterize that mad-dash as an "opportunity".

"Sooooooo…" She grinned up at me like the Cheshire cat, "How do you like living here with the Denalis?"

"It's okay, I guess." I pushed some soil around with my big toe. Alice frowned down at my bare feet, but held back her criticism. "They have all been really nice to me."

"They can be hard to get close to," Alice puffed her cheeks out, blowing a sigh. "Trust me, I know."

"Maybe," I hesitated, wondering if speaking this way about the Denalis would somehow get back to them. I didn't want any of them to think I was ungrateful. For all I knew, Alice could be giving me some kind of test. But a part of me sensed she was more genuine than that. "I think it's just because they're content with how things already are."

"You should come stay with us!" Alice clapped her hands together. Suddenly, she froze, her eyes zoning out, lost in some kind of mental abyss. I was about to shake her when she snapped out of it, a brilliant smile pulling up her cheeks to her eyes. "Of course!"

"What of course?"

Alice giggled, motioning a zipper at her lips and pretended to zip it closed. "Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough."

I blinked stupidly at her. This was becoming a standard in our new, budding relationship.

"But until then, will you _please_ come stay with us? I promise it'll be tons more fun than the stuffy time you're having here."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it _stuffy_," Alice rolled her eyes at me.

I bit my lip, considering her offer. "I don't know… I mean, the Denalis have been so kind to me and have offered me so much."

"Trust me, I don't see them taking offense at all. I've already looked extensively into all the possibilities."

I shook my head, the full force of Alice's over bearing charm weighing down on me.

"I don't know if everyone would be as excited for me to stay as you are. You all seem very… secure in your arrangement."

"Nonsense! Everyone loves you! Well… Rosalie might not but she hates everybody, so it's nothing personal."

Edward's disappointed cold shoulder came back to me. Alice had drug me out of the room so fast, I barely had time to process it. There was something about me he didn't seem to like. I frowned. "I think there might be someone else who doesn't like me very much."

"Oh you mean Edward? Pft," she swatted her hand out at me. "He's just a terrible grump about everything, especially about having to come here."

"What do you mean?" I leaned toward her, intrigued at this admission.

Alice's confident persuasion halted, her bright eyes dimming, "I probably shouldn't tell you this…"

Curiosity licked its jowls, hungry for anything that may give insight into the peculiarities of today. "Well, you're the fortune teller. You tell me if you should or not."

Alice paused, considering my proposition, "Oh all right. Nothing I can see so far will come back to bite me. Well, you may or may not have noticed Tanya flirts with Edward… a lot!"

I nodded my head, glad she didn't notice my stalking through her chatter, or if she did, she was nice enough to pretend she hadn't. "I may have noticed that a bit."

"Well, she has been after Edward for as long as our families have been in contact. Edward, for some reason, won't take the bait though. In fact, as of recently, he has gotten downright pissy and embarrassed about even being in the same room with her. It's mostly why we haven't seen the Denalis for so long, because Edward always manages to come up with some excuse. We keep asking him what is up, if something happened between them, but he won't tell any of us."

I sat silent, soaking in the information. Parts of the story comforted me and others did not satiate my building curiosity, "Well, why doesn't he want to be her mate? She seems more then fine to me."

"Beats me," Alice shrugged her shoulders. She didn't elaborate any further, and I doubted I could ask another question without seeming too interested. Instead she leaned back against the large oak, folding her hands behind her head.

"You still haven't given me an answer yet." She flashed a toothy grin at me, her teeth gleaming in the moon's glow.

I thought about my days sitting in a one-windowed room, occasionally venturing out to look through the Denali's ancient library. I compared it to the bouncing, nagging brunette and the angry boy so beautiful, it hurt just to look at him. My choice became quite obvious.

"Yay!" Alice clapped her hands together and then threw her arms around me.

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Alice and I stayed in the woods until the sun came up. She did most of the talking, telling me about her life both before and with the Cullens. I found out that she actually had no human memories, and all she has ever known is the life of a vampire. She said the first vision she had was finding Jasper and the second was meeting Carlisle and his family. She always knew what her destiny was.

I told her most of what I could remember about my own human life: holidays spent with Renee, every year trying to make a pie but failing miserably, though we loved it all the same. Those were the richest in my mind. When she asked about my dad, all I could honestly say was that I remember visiting him in Washington, but it had been a while.

"Oh, we just came from Washington! Where does your dad live?"

"He's from Forks, actually. I was curious if the Forks Carlisle mentioned earlier was the same one, but I guess it must be."

"So what's his name? Maybe we know him." Alice encouraged me, scooting closer.

"Charlie. Charlie Swan."

Her eyebrows knitted together in concern, "Police Chief Swan?"

"Yeah, do you know him?"

Alice's face fell, a look I hadn't seen before on her pixie features. If my heart could beat, it would be racing a mile a minute.

"Alice… what's wrong?"

She shook her head slowly, holding her hands tightly together in her lap. She released a big, heavy sigh and began, "Charlie actually retired from his position a year ago. He told everyone that his daughter went missing, and that he had to find her. He left Forks and the last thing we heard was that he didn't come back. No one knows where he is."

The gears in my head jammed up, my body freezing in its spot. I battled with considering seeing Renee after my change, but I knew that eventually she would be okay. She was always okay. And if I was completely honest, I knew that I couldn't trust myself to see her and not kill her. Though I wasn't close to Charlie, and only thought of him on a first name basis, something about what Alice just told me wounded me deeply, much more then my thoughts of my mother. My father was a simple man who didn't have many possessions or connections with people. Technically I am the only family he has… and now he didn't.

"I have to find him," I heard myself saying, "He has to know I'm okay."

"Bella," Alice's high pitched voice dropped to a somber note. "You know you can't do that."

"But if he just knew that I was alive… well, in some way…"

"No, Bella," Her tiny fingers wrapped around my own. "Humans can't know about us whatsoever. It's not just for our own sake, but for theirs as well. If anyone found out about Charlie knowing, the Volturi would kill him."

I shook my head, resisting. "They don't have to know. No one has to know."

"They can always find out, Bella. They have ways of knowing. I'm sure Eleazer told you about Aro."

The conversation with Eleazer came back to me, and how with one touch, Aro can know every thought you had ever had, no matter how much you didn't want him to know. He said usually those were the ones Aro could pick up on the easiest because they were at the forefront of one's mind during their judgment.

"Have you ever even met the Volturi?" I countered, feeling my defenses running low.

Alice shook her head, "No, but it's not something you can risk, Bella. And who's to say Charlie knowing would make it any better. He'll realize you're gone in his own time and grieve the way he's supposed to."

I took in Alice's words. Shame, my dark shadow, accompanied me once more, reminding me these last few weeks were a farce. He had always been there, quietly waiting for the right moment to reveal his presence.

Alice seemed to recognize my burden, and she wrapped her arms in comfort around my shoulders. "You will find joy in this life. I promise."

I allowed her to hug me for a while, pretending to believe her for her own sake. I put on a fake smile and suggested we go back. When we arrived, the group had dispersed, dwelling in different areas of the house. Edward had wandered to what smelled like the library, and I was happy to see Tanya waiting for us in the living room, along with Carlisle and Esme, instead of stalking him. It surprised me how quickly negativity clouded my thoughts about her. I frowned, feeling silly about my jealously over a stupid, puppy love crush.

"You girls were gone for a long time," Esme smiled up at us, the rosy blush on her cheekbones radiating her warmth.

"Bella and I are pretty much B-F-Fs now." Alice nodded her head proudly, slinging her arm into the curve of mine.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow, "BFFs?"

"Best friends forever… literally!"

The three chuckled, clearly amused by Alice's enthusiasm.

"Well, it's nice to see you two getting along so well," Tanya leaned back against couch. "I'm glad to see you opening up to someone, Bella."

I nodded, hanging my head low. Great, now I felt guilty for wanting to leave. I didn't hear any animosity in Tanya's voice, though. Maybe she was genuinely pleased to see me socializing with anybody, even if it wasn't her and her sisters.

"Which is precisely why I have asked Bella to come and stay with us for a while," Alice really didn't beat around the bush, did she? "We've been having such great fun together! I can't part with her yet."

I watched their reactions carefully. Carlisle and Esme both seemed surprised and slightly taken aback. Tanya didn't make an expression. She simply lifted her eyebrows. I wasn't sure if she was indifferent or simply did not know how to react to the situation.

"We'd love to have you stay with us, Bella." Esme recovered the quickest, standing up to embrace me. I gently patted her back as she encased me in her maternal goodness.

"That is if you want to," Carlisle amended, waiting for me to give an answer.

I nervously shrugged my shoulders, "I would love to… that is if you don't mind, Tanya."

Tanya's tight expression relaxed suddenly, "You're welcome to come and go as you please, Bella. This will always be your home when you need it to be."

"Thank you," I stared back into her yellow eyes, trying my best to show the gratitude I felt for her hospitality.

By mid afternoon, the Cullens were ready to leave, and I hugged the entire Denali clan goodbye. Carmen kissed me on both my cheeks, speaking words in Spanish I didn't understand but felt the love and pride in them none the less. Eleazer shook my hand, telling me I better keep in touch while taking a loving jab at the Cullens in the process. All of the sisters gave me big hugs, including Tanya who whispered to me to always remember what she told me.

I climbed into the silver Volvo with Alice sitting next to me in the back, Jasper in the passenger's seat, and Edward driving. I buckled my seat belt out of sheer habit and saw Edward took notice, a small smile playing on his lips. Though I should be embarrassed by my ironic stupidity, at least he wasn't ignoring me anymore.

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AN2: I might update the next chapters towards the end of this week, so be on the look out. And please, let me know your thoughts! Review!


	6. Chapter 5

**AN:** You guys are seriously amazing! All of your reviews were so thoughtful and encouraging! It blew me away the response I got for last chapter. I love hearing anything and everything you guys have to say. :D It makes writing this story that much better. I hope you guys like this chapter. I actually struggled a lot with it since it's EB's first real interaction, but I think I'm satisfied with the final result.

Please enjoy and review!

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- Chapter 5 –

The Cullens resided in a small town just outside of Anchorage, Alaska. Their house awed me much like when I had first seen the Denalis' but to a higher, more astounding degree. The Cullen's abode put my previous inhabitance to shame in every way, from the angular design of the roof to the tall pillars on the porch. Inside, the furniture was sleek and modern as well as the design and architecture of each room, making the ancient artifacts and paintings all over the house stand out like pieces in a museum. The Cullens also seemed to have embraced technology, which made sense after I remembered all of them, except Carlisle and Jasper, were changed in the 20th century. All of the latest gadgets, high definition televisions, and fancy computers could be found all around the house.

They had a room waiting for me when I arrived, completely furnished with a queen size bed, a desk, and a closet full of clothes. Aghast at the thoughtfulness, I turned towards Alice who smiled guiltily back at me.

"Well, I _did_ see you coming to us at some point," she shrugged her shoulders and gazed up through her long lashes, feigning a mask of innocence. "Might as well be prepared."

Alice and Emmett lead the way through the grand tour of the house, emphatically waving their arms around as they presented each room and item. At one point, while Alice explained the carefully selected color scheme of the den, Emmett popped a lamp shade over her head and quickly clenched his arms up in defense to protect against her tiny, livid blows. I covered my face and giggled in my hands at the sight as I caught Emmett's sloppy, toothy grin once Alice stopped her fists of fury. I knew then that the entire shenanigan was for my benefit to enjoy the exchange and loosen up the awkwardness. I returned his smile, hoping he could see my gratitude.

We followed Alice's stomping footsteps up the stairs to the second story of the house where the bedrooms resided (except for mine, tucked away on the first floor in the corner of the house). Carlisle and Esme of course had the master bedroom, which was more a mini apartment by my own standards. Alice skimmed over this part of the tour and skipped all the way to her and Jasper's bedroom. It didn't really resemble a couple's room at all, more like a teenage girl's fantasy sleepover pad. Any traces of Jasper were silenced out by loud, bright colors and cheery fabrics and upholstery. The room had its own bathroom equipped with a large vanity mirror and all sorts of bottles and jars diffusing powdery scents across the room. Alice began introducing every meaningful thing in her room and the story behind it. Everything was her favorite something or other, and I soon began to realize she was planning on going through all of it. Emmett caught on quickly too and whipped me away by the arm, charging towards the other end of the hallway with Alice yelling after us.

"What a looney tune," Emmett huffed, letting go of my arm when he determined we were safely away. He pushed open the next door, revealing the simplest room I had seen in the house. It only consisted of two sets of dressers, a walk in closet, and a large, plush king sized bed. The bed seemed to be the focus of the room, lined in red bed sheets and a silk comforter.

"Yep," Emmett puffed his chest out, placing his hands on his hips. "This is where _all_ the magic happens."

"She doesn't want to hear about you and Rosalie's perverted escapades, _Em_-mett!" Alice belted behind us, standing in the middle of the hallway holding her "favorite" pair of royal blue denim jeans.

"Well, she doesn't want to hear the life story of all the crap in your room!" Emmett charged back to her, meeting her face to face.

As the two continued bickering back and forth, I made my way to the final room of the hallway, knowing it must belong to him. With the door already cracked, I pushed it open, the hinges swinging without a sound. The setting sunlight illuminated the room, casting an orange glow on a large book shelf, filled from floor to ceiling with CDs, tapes, and records. My eyes followed the light to a messy desk with its own chaotic organization of loose pieces of paper, books, an old weathered parchment, a globe, and a composition notebook opened to a blank page with today's date on it. Resting against the other wall stood a tall, wooden dresser with some fancy stereo and speakers. Next to it was a smaller desk with the latest model of a desk top computer and an old baseball glove with a ball, the leather worn and tea-colored. My eyes darted all around, soaking up the imagery as I tried to get a better understanding of the loner Cullen. I had registered when I first opened the door that something seemed off about the room, as if an essential piece was missing. It then dawned on me that the room did not have a bed, but instead, a single black couch off in the back corner. A day dream came to me of the handsome vampire boy sitting on the couch with the baseball, the stereo lit up as a random song played in the background.

Slender fingers slid across my shoulder, pulling my attention away. Alice's soft smile and bright eyes peered up at me.

"Come on, let's see the rest of the house."

We returned to the first story, passing by an open room with a piano, Carlisle's study (which Alice said only Carlisle himself could show me and be able to explain the rich history of everything in it), and an unused kitchen that lead to the massive garage. It was more of a shop then the typical two-car length cement enclosures I was accustomed to. A line of luxury and sports cars stretched across the width of the space, makes and models I didn't recognize but looked impressive, as well as expensive, none the less. Edward leaned against a cherry red muscle car, his arms crossed across his chest as he stared down towards the headlights. As we approached him, Rosalie wheeled herself out from beneath, grease stains dotting her pretty features.

"And finally this is our garage, or Rosalie's sanctuary as we like to refer to it," Alice finished, smiling proudly to herself.

My eyes tracked up and down the line of cars again. I felt my mouth hang open, "You own all of these?"

"Yep," Emmett slung his arm around Rosalie who began to dust herself off.

"But how can you afford it? I mean, I know doctors make a lot but I didn't realize…"

"Oh, it isn't from his salary," Alice waved a hand, not offering any further explanation. I looked stupidly between the four. Edward, still leaned against the car, spoke at the floor. "Alice watches the stock market and our investments for us."

I nodded, frowning at his nonchalance. I had hoped that his smile in the car and the freer disposition he carried in the conversations that followed all the way here was a sign that he would warm up to me. I really needed to just stop caring all together. Alice and Emmett liked me, and that should be enough. So then why does it feel like I'm being rejected every time he treats me like I'm invisible? Rosalie hasn't spoken two words to me, and even Jasper seems weary of my presence, but I just brush off their reluctance like it's nothing. I guess I've become _that_ girl. The one that gets hung up on some guy with a cute smile and a chiseled bone structure.

We soon dissipated, Alice allowing me an actual hour of privacy since the moment I met her. I poked around the guest room, testing out the firmness of the mattress (not that I'd be using it often) and sorting through all of the clothes Alice had gotten for me. I gravitated towards the plain shirts and simple jeans, skipping over anything bright pink or sequenced. I changed into denim capris and a hunter green, cotton shirt and relaxed on the bed, waiting for my brain to get used to the new clothing and stop registering the way each thread woven together felt against my granite, smooth skin. Over the past year, I had gotten better at inhibiting myself from continuously taking in new stimuli. It was tough in the beginning though. If I wasn't being so bombarded by all of the new sights and sounds, I would have probably run around naked from to the sensory overload. I considered telling Alice about that, wondering if she could relate when she first woke up, or if she'd just be appalled at me ever considering swearing off clothes all together.

Once dusk had darkened to night, Alice felt we had been apart too long and demanded I come into the TV room to watch a movie with everyone. After she bounded away, I stopped in front of the standing mirror to check my appearance. Over the past few weeks, my jungle woman look had washed away and I morphed into a clean, beautiful version of the girl from my memories. I had never thought of myself as ugly or attractive, just another Plain Jane in a sea of special people. But even I recognized the changes this curse had brought, and my face remained as stunning and frozen in time as the rest. This beauty came with a price, however; high cheekbones and full lips brought with them isolation and scarlet brands on my conscious. Only my eyes revealed the monster inside of me. Unnatural orange halos darted up and down, scanning the reflection. Maybe that's why Edward didn't want to associate with me. I wasn't a golden eyed angel like Tanya. My mark hadn't been tucked away.

My entire journey down the hall, I mentally scolded myself for my thoughts reverting back to that. I had to get over this. In mid-tirade, I walked in on Emmett and Alice in another stand-off. I had a feeling this was a trend with them.

"Here she is! Why don't we ask her?" Alice spit the words at Emmett, stomping her little feet over to me. The venom behind her eyes sizzled down, and she switched to sweet and charming in a click. "Bella, what movie would you like to watch?"

"No, no, you didn't even explain to her first!" Emmett shoved Alice out of the way, directing his attention to me. "Okay, you see every week, we trade off on movie nights for who gets to pick the movie, and this is _my_ week."

"But _Bella_ is our guest!"

"It's okay," I piped in, feeling uncomfortable with the weight of this decision on me. "I don't mind if Emmett chooses. I wouldn't even know what to pick anyways."

"YES!" Emmett pumped his arms towards the ceiling and scrambled towards the wall of DVDs. A collective groan filled the air, foreheads colliding with open palms.

"He's going to make us watch it again," Jasper shook his head from his place on the couch across the room. Alice despondently grabbed my arm and led me to it, sitting in the middle while I took the remaining seat by the arm. I snuck a glance to my left where Edward lounged in a recliner. His body sat stretched out, his long legs reaching the coffee table just in front of me. He rested his face between his thumb and forefinger, his elbow propped against the arm of the recliner. He reminded me of a more apathetic rendition of The Thinker statue, still, pondering, and breathtakingly beautiful.

The movie started and I quickly recognized the selection was one of the many _Alien_ movies. None of the Cullens seemed to be paying attention to it, with the exception of Emmett who sat on the floor in front of Rosalie completely engrossed. Alice snuggled into Jasper's side, his arms forming a cocoon around her petite body. About 15 minutes into the movie, their not-so-subtle whispering and flirting got a little heated, and they crept out of the room and up the stairs. Rosalie eyed their departure, and I could see the wheels behind her determined expression. Through the dripping drool, 10-ft mother alien, and face suckers, the blonde bombshell managed to tear Emmett away by whatever she whispered in his ear. Once they left, the room smoldered around me, feeling hot and suffocating as I realized I was all alone with Edward for the first time.

Edward stood up from his chair with a sigh, walking over to the DVD player to remove the movie. I had a feeling this must be some kind of routine. With no other options to turn to other then running from the room, I sucked in a deep breath hoping casual conversation would save me from the awkwardness.

"Do they always do this?"

"Mostly," he responded, snapping the DVD into the case. He pushed the case back into its slot and turned to face me. "They were actually trying hard to hold back since you're here."

"How thoughtful," a nervous laugh erupted through my lips. I watched and waited as Edward stood there staring at me with a stiff expression. It was the longest he had ever chosen to look at me, and I felt more on display now than ever before. More than when I first arrived at the Denalis, and this even was surpassing the curious stares the Cullens gave me when I first met them as well. Like then, I was placed on a pedestal of judgment, but the price felt higher this time.

Though his piercing, analytical stare felt heavy, I took the moment to study his features some more. It was quickly becoming my favorite past time, stealing acceptable moments to ogle his looks. A few tips of his tousled hair leaned over his forehead, touching the smooth plain of skin. His pronounced Adam's apple bobbed, tuning my eyes into the strong, slender shape of his neck, ending at the V where his collar bone extended. Unfortunately, his black cotton shirt covered the rest from my prying eyes.

In a flash, Edward had come to some sort of decision, taking his place back in the recliner next to where I sat. He kept his intense stare trained on me. I noticed how his long lashes stood out against the gold color of his eyes, dabbing a little softness to his stern features.

"Emmett seemed really excited about watching the movie," I yammered on, feeling compelled to keep speaking. "I'm surprised he left."

"He's been choosing those movies since the early 80s every time it's his night." Edward responded, still holding his stare. "A few years in the 90s we managed to trick him into losing his privileges but by '98, he won a bet, so every 5 weeks, we have to watch the first 10 or 15 minutes until Rosalie drags him off."

"Then it's a win-win," I offered

Edward's brow furrowed in confusion, "How do you mean?"

"Well," I submitted and looked away, finally feeling the staring contest had gone on long enough. "Emmett gets his way by getting his own movie night, and you guys don't have to suffer through the same movies over and over again for very long."

A smile broke out on his face, and my dead heart floated to the top of my chest.

"I guess you can look at it that way."

We sat in silence for a little while, neither of us knowing what to say. Usually in situations like this, I am the champion at being able to stand the quiet. Having conversations with others never came easily to me, and with vampires I found it's even harder then when I was human. I sensed an intensity and deepness to most vampires, because of their long life experience, that mundane topics of conversation seemed trite. I'm also not brilliant or confident enough in my own thoughts to start a subject. But in those few moments, I had never felt more determined to think of something to say, engaging Edward in whatever conversation I could. I decided to be bold and hit him with the question I wanted the answer to the most, and it just so happened the situation set me up perfectly.

"Is it hard living with that all the time? Couples acting like newlyweds all around you."

It was now Edward's time to turn his eyes away. He looked down at his lap, and I panicked, wondering if it seemed like I intentionally pointed out the obvious that he did not have a mate to act that way with.

"It can be annoying, maybe even slightly more unbearable to me since I have to hear all of their thoughts that they choose not the say as well. But I find distractions. Mostly reading and playing and listening to music."

"Yeah, I saw your collection when Alice gave me a tour of the house. It's very… large."

Edward laughed, his expression loosening as the conversation commenced. "Yeah, well, a century of nothing to do and never sleeping will do that."

He turned his face up to me again. "What kind of music do you like?"

I remembered his rows and rows of music, and the feeling of inadequacy returned to me again. "No genre specifically," I answered honestly. "I guess I like a little bit of everything."

"Name me a few musicians you like." I knew a music buff like himself would want a better answer then that.

"Well," my nerves shook as I racked my brain. "I really like Debussy. My mother would sometimes play classical music when she would get in certain moods, and Claire de Lune is my favorite piece."

"Debussy has always been a favorite of mine as well, both playing and listening."

"I'm guessing you're the one who plays the piano," I gestured to the room just next to one we were in, remembering passing it on the tour.

Edward nodded his head, "Rosalie plays some as well, but the piano is technically mine."

Esme walked into the room as he said this, a water spout for plants in hand. Her face perked up in a cheery smile at his words. Edward's face instantly fell.

"Why don't you play for her Edward," she lightly patted him on the shoulder. She swung her hips around, turning to a potted plant in the corner of the room. "He's perfectly stunning at the piano, Bella, and don't let him tell you any differently."

Edward began shaking his head like an embarrassed teenager. "I don't think she…"

Esme quickly interrupted, as if she had heard this rebuttal before, "Nonsense. I'm sure Bella would love to hear you play!"

She whipped her body around with a poised grace, landing her eyes on me. Her expression told me that my initial response of telling him he didn't have to if he didn't want would be a bad idea. I knew right then why Esme was the mother figure of the group.

"I would love to hear you play," I said, smiling meekly up at her. She returned with her own sweet, approving grin, turning on her heels to leave.

Edward gestured for me to follow him into the other room. The piano was a classic baby grand. There were some spots of obvious aging but overall it was shiny and intact, stunning in its own right. Edward sat down on the bench, offering me the space next to him. I sat down, his scent, masculine and sweet, wafting into my nose more potent than ever. I felt two feet tall sitting this close to him, but every cell in my body hummed in response to the proximity and anticipation.

He turned his eyes to me, staring directly at my own. The rings smolders like two golden embers. "What would you like to hear?"

I was trapped in his stare, prisoner to his words and his long fingers hovering over the ivories.

"Anything."

He began playing something unfamiliar, but I felt the music deep inside of me, as if I knew not what it was but what it was trying to say. Every note held me suspended, anticipating the next message in Edward's wordless language. With my ears filled to the brim with song, I drank in the sight of him playing. The way his entire face relaxed in a sleep-like trance and how his body slightly rocked along to the music had me transfixed. It hit me as the song came to a low end, that these feelings of obsession and longing I had been experiencing over the past two days were entirely new to me. Even in my ever-fading human memories, I knew that feeling this way never existed before. Boys were funny and charming, even cute and attractive. But I had never fallen so inexplicably and profound before now. I had been deprived of a piece of my childhood, raped of a first true love. I didn't know whether to weep for another tragedy befallen or see my change as some kind of sick and twisted initiation into womanhood.

Instead of stopping once the song ended and turning to me for my simplistic commentary about how wonderful it was, Edward kept playing, shifting into a lighter song and bringing me back to the present. Back to him. His eyelids fluttered open falling onto me with an apologetic grin.

"That one can pull out intense things sometimes," he murmured, his fingers still dancing over the keys.

I gave a soft chuckle, relaxing my shoulders as my body swayed to the music, "I thought you couldn't read my mind."

The half smirk returned, a new light coloring his features, "I can't."

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**AN2: **Next update will be posted in a few days. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you thought.


	7. Chapter 6

**AN:** Again, you guys are great! I really enjoyed the response to the last chapter And for those of you who haven't reviewed yet, please do! I would love to hear all of your opinions. I'm a little nervous about this chapter, but I hope you all like it.

This is the last chapter I have "in stock" sort of speak. Since I started posting, I've been about two chapters ahead each time. I wanted to get out these chapters as fast as possible for you guys so now it's caught up with me. I plan on having the next update at the end of this week, and from then on, updating once a week. Again, I will in no way abandon this story AT ALL. The whole thing is already planned out and I just love writing it and sharing it with you guys so much. So no one has to worry about that!

Enjoy. :)

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- Chapter 6 –

Living with the Cullens turned out to not be what I expected, though I didn't have many expectations to begin with. In ways they were like the Denalis in that they acted more like a family than partners out of necessity, but there was an extra layer to them. Irinia, Kate, and Tanya loved each other deeply and were as close as sisters could be, but because of that love, they would put up a barrier to others getting close, even Carmen and Eleazer. No one could enter that triangle. However, you wouldn't be able to tell that Alice and Jasper weren't connected to this coven by Carlisle as the rest of them. They bantered and played with the younger members and had philosophical, deep discussions with Carlisle, holding his opinion in a high, fatherly esteem just as much as Edward, Emmett and Rosalie. Esme loved each of them with her warm, kind words of reassurance, never showing any favoritism like a proper mother hen of the house. They each had special relationships with one another as well. Out of everyone, Edward and Rosalie seemed to get along the least, most of their jokes and jabs at one another laced with venom and bordering on malice, though I had a feeling it came more from their dueling personalities than a true dislike of one another. Alice didn't really interact with Rosalie much, which shocked me since their tastes in material objects seemed much more in tune than hers and mine. I guess superficial bonds don't hold two people together for very long. Out of everyone (besides Jasper, of course), Alice seemed much closer to Edward, their strange means of silent communication with each other creating a world only they had access to. Jasper was the only one who encouraged Emmett's schemes, electing himself as his right hand man in whatever Emmett's diabolical mind conjured up. Edward took on the role as a selective third musketeer, picking and choosing when to loosen up and act immature with them once in a while.

The biggest difference of all though was how easily they were allowing me to find my own place in their family. Though she didn't insist to be by my side at all times anymore, Alice always wanted me to be involved in everything she did, insisting it wouldn't be the same if I didn't participate somehow. Esme had taken a special liking to me after I found her gardening in the back yard. I had told her gardening always seemed relaxing to me, but I had never tried. Since then, every mid morning I join Esme in the garden and help her with whatever she instructs. The first day, I ruined a pair of jeans Alice nearly cried over because she said they were designer. Emmett adopted me as a little sister of sorts, using me as a target for his interminable teasing, roughing up my hair, and inexplicably poking and pinching me to get a response. His favorite punch line concerned my quiet nature which consisted of lying to the others about all these things I said to him while they were away. I knew he would stop as soon as I took any real offense to it, but I never felt uncomfortable. Emmett's goofy, lovable nature was impossible to resist, so I happily allowed him to use me as his own personal dart board.

Even Edward and I had a routine. Every night when he sat down to play piano I would wait patiently, trying to muster up the courage to go sit with him. After two songs, I'd slowly walk into the room and take my place next to him on the bench. The first night, he scooted over for me as soon as I walked in, gesturing for me to join him. After that, I always entered the room finding the space already saved for me. We never talked much during these moments. Sometimes I'd ask a question about the song and he would answer, but other than that, we'd sit in total silence, only the music's sound waves traveling through the air.

"He doesn't allow anyone else to sit with him," Esme had said to me that morning while she demonstrated the proper way to care for rose blooms. "He always tells us we're a distraction and shoos us away."

I looked up at her under my new sunbonnet. Alice had given it to me after the tantrum she threw over the jeans as a peace offering to show she supported my new hobby.

"Really?"

Esme hummed and nodded her head, smiling as she snipped off a dead flower petal. Her silence tickled at me.

"Why do you think I'm the exception?" I finally got up the nerve to ask after a long minute.

She shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not sure. Maybe it's because he can't hear your mind like the rest of us so you don't disturb his peace. Or maybe he just likes you better." She winked in my direction.

I shied away from asking anymore questions or even commenting on what she just suggested to me, but my thoughts were reeling after that.

That night turned out to be a slow one for the Cullen household. Everyone scattered to their own corners of the house, taking a few hours for more individual activities. I decided to surf the internet, testing out my typing reflexes once again. On the second day after arriving at the house, I got on Alice's lap top to mess around and ended up breaking a few of her keys. But since I've been working with Esme in the garden, I've been honing in on smaller tactile movements, interpreting what was and wasn't unnecessary force. I situated myself in front of the public desk top computer, closer to the front of the Cullen's house, and glided the tips of my fingers across the keys. So far, so good.

I clicked the web browser short cut and a search engine popped up as the home page. After being out of touch with the real world for over a year, I wasn't sure what to look up so I decided to check my email instead. Three pages of my inbox were filled, mostly with spam. I began mindlessly deleting emails until one caught my eye. The subject title read "Bella, baby" and it was from my mother, five months after my change. I froze in my seat, hand hovering over the mouse. A black cloud surrounded me, raindrops flooding my insides with tears I could not shed. A shrill cry buried deep in my throat rattled, grappling my rib cage. I quickly exited out, the mouse button cracking under my finger, and ran to my room.

I lied across my bed, my knees pulled up to my breasts and my face smothered into a fluffy pillow. I held my eyes shut and counted back the days. Two weeks since I had arrived at the Cullens. Three weeks at the Denalis. Blurry days and nights of the months walking the Rocky Mountains. Four of the worst days of my life. And an eternity of burning. All of this time standing between now and the last moment I saw Renee, my beautiful, hare-brained mother. Survival had kept me distracted and busy, and the blood lust gave me all the reasons to stay away. But now, I wanted nothing more than to curl up on a hammock with her and read aloud to each other as the warm sun beat down on our skin.

I thought of the email, the stark nakedness of it on the screen and the way the pixels formed the text. I envisioned myself clicking it open and all of the possibilities of the words that resided there, waiting to be read. Some fantasies consisted of her begging me to come back to her, wherever I may be. Only once did I think of her telling me good-bye, accepting the truth that we'd never see each other again.

I'm not sure how long I lied there, but sometime after the sun had set I heard Alice's light footsteps pitter over to my room. She tapped on the door with her knobby knuckles, entering without me telling her to come in. I couldn't see her with my back facing towards the door, but I could tell that she stood there for a moment, figuring out the situation in front of her. Whatever she determined, I do not know, but she crawled up onto the bed with me, wrapping her thin arms around my side. We lay like that for a few moments, neither of us speaking. It occurred to me in those minutes that Alice probably already knew why I was upset. Of course she would have seen me finding the email as soon as I decided to get onto the computer. She could have prevented it somehow, characteristically distracting me. There must be a reason she allowed me to stumble upon this dooming find, but the pieces just wouldn't line up with her previous advice.

After I pulled myself together, I sat up in the bed feeling grateful that while Alice was one of the most talkative people I have ever met, she knew when silence was necessary.

"We're all going on a group hunt tonight," she finally spoke. "You should come with us. They're always a lot of fun and it really takes your mind off things."

Did I really want to take my mind off it? Would that change the fact that Renee was childless and Charlie lost, chasing some false hope? Would it heal this hole, filling with guilt and helplessness inside of me?

"You really should reconsider," Alice's voice, soft as a feather, urged me with gentle pushes.

"I don't feel very sociable right now."

"Some opportunities are better taking than locking yourself in your room, dwelling on things you can't change."

I nodded my head in defeated agreement. I realized I was starting to hate how often Alice was right. Cryptic, actuating vampire.

What hurt more than knowing my parents' pain was my inability to do a damn thing about it. I wondered if Alice had seen a future of my parent's seeing me like this. Her words in the forest outside of the Denali's home came back to me, _"__and who's to say Charlie knowing would make it any better?"_ In her visions, did my mother and father recoil in horror at my alien skin and eyes? Or worse, does it end in typical Shakespearean tragedy, blood and carnage littering the stage confirming the monster that I am?

Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Edward waited for us in front of the house. I only hunted solo since I arrived and had never in this big of a pack before. My nerves switched into overdrive as I thought of my sloppy form and messy habits while hunting. I could always sneak off and go my own way, hoping no one would follow. I looked over at Alice, anticipating her disapproving gaze, but she never gave it. Instead her tiny fingers wrapped around Jasper's rough knuckles as they took off, leading the group.

"I hope we can find a big grizzly!" Emmett spoke in a soft but excited voice, trying not to alert any prey. "It's been a long time since I've danced with those big guys."

Rosalie broke off from the group, taking a sharp right in the direction of a herd of deer. I took the opportunity to veer left, following no scent in particular, though I hoped that would change quickly. I couldn't hear or smell anyone following my new trail, so I relaxed into a slower pace that I was more comfortable with for hunting.

Hovering just above the towering trees, the moon rested full-bellied, surrounded by stars suspended in the soupy black night sky. My memories of Washington, clouded with grey tones and rainy days, created a bias against anything north of Utah in my human years. I couldn't be sure if it was my new heighten senses or Alaska itself, but a serene beauty resided in the air.

I cleared my mind of all my worries, surrendering my reason to instinct, submitting my will to carnal cravings. I caught the tail end of a ripe scent coming from the north, making sweet chemical love to the tip of my tongue. I charged in the direction, recognizing that potent smell as my favorite dinner delight: sheep.

I stumbled upon a rocky hill, their resting ground on the sides of the cliff away from predators who stalk in the night. Well, all predators except me, that is. A fat, white ewe on the bottom rung of the elevation rested quietly in her sleep. Before she could wake, I snatched her from her stony bed, transporting her to just the edge of the forest where her lulling heart pumped thick, savory blood down my throat. The rest of her herd rested soundly never aware of my silent burglary.

Approaching footsteps peddled behind me just as I was reaching the end of the draining. A low, involuntary growl rumbled in my chest, warning the intruder to get away now or suffer the consequences.

"Relax," Edward's honey voice sang through the air. "It's only me."

I spit the hollow neck from my jaws, spinning around on my heels and pushing my body up off the ground. Edward stepped out of the shadows, his bronze hair tousled to perfection and his black pants still pressed and cleaned. I ran a hand through my windblown hair as I inspected my own clothes. No blood but a few rips in the sides of my shirt where tree branches had broken off against my impenetrable body thundering through the woods.

"I'm sorry," I stuttered out.

"_I'm_ sorry," Edward continued walking towards me with his hands up in surrender. "I shouldn't have snuck up on you that way while you were feeding."

The dead, bloodless ewe still lied warm against my ankles. I sprung away from it like a child caught in mischief. I wobbled to Edward's side, uncoordinated from my mad, mindless dash away from the corpse.

"I've never seen a vampire lose their footing before," Edward chuckled, the apples of his cheeks flashing happy dimples.

"Well, I was pathetically clumsy as a human," I wrapped my arms around the torn sides of my shirt and walked deeper in the forest. "It wouldn't surprise me if I fell right on my face sometime this next century."

Warm, tender fingers danced across the small of my back. I stopped in my tracks, my shoulders tensing as shivers shimmied up my spine. He quickly retracted his hand, leaving that patch of skin in a frazzled, tingly mess.

"Sorry," he muttered, running that same hand through his hair. I stewed in jealousy. "I – uh… just wanted to direct you to sit here with me." A dead log rested before us between two sky-tickling pines, and Edward, with hands buried deep in his pockets, took a seat.

It hit me that my reaction caused him to think I didn't want him touching me. My mind scrambled, trying to think of a way to fix the situation. Blurting out, "I want you to touch me!" didn't seem like a good idea.

I sat down next to him, choosing a place closer than my shyness usually allowed. Our shoulders were mere centimeters apart, forming a boundary breaking synapse. The sound of nocturnal stillness filled the air around us through the rustle of leaves and wind.

"I'm still a little jumpy, I think," I tried to explain. Edward only nodded his head in response, a clear indication to me that he didn't want to discuss it. _Stupid, stupid, Bella_. I had to think fast…

"So, why did you come find me?"

His pupils narrowed, eyeing me out of his periphery as he answered, "I got tired of watching Emmett patronize a moose."

My hands leaped out and covered my face, uncontrollable giggles spilling through my fingers. Edward's big smile returned as he basked in his little joke at my side. My entire body felt weightless as if an invisible spout pumped helium into my toes, rising up my torso and through my limbs. I'm sure part of this feeling was had to do with the hilarity of Emmett's actions, but laughing at Emmett normally never made me feel this way. It came from that special feeling that I only had with Edward.

The laughter soon settled quietly between us, the previous awkwardness slowly dissipating out of the equation. Wanting to keep the pace of the conversation, I fished for small talk, "Do these group outings happen frequently?

"Sometimes. Mostly we'll go in pairs or a group of three or four, but every now and then we'll all go together if we want to hunt bigger game." I watched in fascination at the way his eyebrows furrowed together as he continued the explanation. "Carlisle and Esme usually accompany us but they often go off on their own as well as Jasper and Alice. It feels more natural for them to hunt with their mates."

There was that word again. Mates. The word on its own symbolized such a powerful, indescribable bond between two vampires I was coming to learn more and more. Witnessing the strong connection with my own eyes between the members of our household contextualized and reinforced the power of the word. My mind wandered back to Tanya, her obvious affection for the gorgeous vampire next to me, and his reluctance to acknowledge her advances. I had been considering asking him about it for days, wondering if we'd ever get to a point where it would be appropriate.

"Why don't you?" I blurted out oh-so elegantly. " … Have a mate, I mean?"

Edward hesitated before answering me, as if he tasted each one of his possible answers to test for the best, "I guess through all of these decades, "the right one" hasn't come across my path."

"But you've had offers?" I pushed harder.

He exhaled a deep, agitated sigh, running his fingers through his hair. Maybe I should have taken advice from the saying "curiosity killed the cat," and just avoided whatever rejection was headed my way. My prying questions couldn't be more obvious, I realized.

"Alice told you, didn't she?" he finally said, turning his stressed expression towards me.

"No," I lied. Nonchalance was the only candidate that could save me now, "I mean, it was kind of obvious that Tanya really likes you."

"First, you're lying," Edward relaxed instantly, extending his legs out in front of him. "I might not be able to read your mind but my sister has the biggest mouth and no qualms about telling secrets. You're also a terrible liar, yourself." He shot a playful grin in my direction, relieving me of my worries that he'd taken offense. "And second. . . no, she doesn't. She only tells herself she does. She thinks because I'm the only single male living this life style that she's met, her chances aren't very good of finding a mate. In her mind, it's only reasonable we should be together."

"So you and her have never had a… a thing?"

The agitated expression returned. I should have just stayed silent instead of letting my selfish jealousies take over my mouth again under a false sense of security.

"Not in the way I think you mean." He began, dancing around the question. He shoved his hands defensively into his pockets again, turning his face away from me as he continued. "About two decades ago, most likely before you were born, I did decide to maybe… "try" with her."

A rusty taste coated my tongue and my heart deflated in my chest.

"I guess I thought it might never happen for me," he continued, his face almost completely shielded from me now. "I let her kiss me but it didn't last very long and I ended up stopping it. After that, I tried to avoid her as much as I could. Tanya is a great person, but I'm just not attracted to her in that way."

I bit my lip and nodded my head. A score of other possibilities were ten times worse than this, but I still felt a possessive jealousy consuming my thoughts and taking reign of my emotions.

"It's just not right," his soft voice lingered. "Knowing every thought a person is having at the moment, and they have no access to your own. It's impossible for intimacy on either side. The permanent bond can't be made that way."

The air had shifted between us with his admission. Not only had Edward revealed to me something about his existence that not even Alice knew, but I quickly caught on to the hidden meaning behind his words. He couldn't form an intimate bond with Tanya because he would always be at an unfair advantage, an advantage he had over every being he came in contact with. Every being except for me. I suddenly perceived the situation with new eyes. Edward was now the one waiting to be judged, hunched over with the insecurity of his confession of loneliness. I wanted to take him into my arms and snuggle my face into his back.

Instead I decided to throw myself under a bus, thinking up the most embarrassing story my changing brain could recollect, "In my human life, I was a hopeless case when it came to dating and boys. It's hard to remember now, but I do recall a really embarrassing time when my mom tried to set me up on a date with one of her friend's sons who was painfully awkward."

"Did you go?" he timidly turned his head to face me again, his eyes wide and curious.

Flashes of white-hot rage and slamming doors came back to me but what happened after that was sealed away in an imaginary vault I didn't have access to. "I'm not sure. Probably not."

"So you've never been with anyone either, then?" He straightened his back to look me directly in the eye. The weightlessness returned, my stomach doing flip-flops as the energy that powered my body swirled inside.

"Uhhh…" I lost my train of thought. "No."

A slow smile spread across Edward's soft lips, his eyes warming as he held our stare. Electricity crackled and popped between us, inviting new possibilities and avenues never explored. I idly wondered if he could feel it too.

Annoyance blackened Edward's features as he broke the contact and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know you're there, Emmett."

A morose Emmett stepped out of the bushes, holding a pair of deer antlers at his side. The horns appeared bare and dry, indicating he had only found them rather than morbidly playing with his food (something I wouldn't put past him).

"You ruin everyone's fun, you know that, don't you?" Emmett pouted.

"Why do you even try when you know I can just hear you?"

Emmett chucked the antlers down on the ground, "Who says you were my target anyways? Now quit giving Bella googley eyes and hogging her all to yourself!"

On those words, Emmett charged, dumping me over his shoulder and taking off into the woods.

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**AN2:** I know I changed the past with Edward/Tanya a bit from Stephenie's version, but in my mind, I don't really see Edward never trying, especially from all the pressures from his family and the loneliness. I'm a little nervous about the response to that aspect, but I wanted it to be this way because in my mind, Edward giving the possibility of having a partner a chance and it failing miserably, even in those few seconds, reinforces what will happen between he and Bella later on. I just don't see Edward as this sexless, eunuch. I see his inexperience due to the explanation I gave. As far as the whole "triangle" or sorts, that's really the end of it now that the secret is out. LOL

I really hope you guys liked this chapter. Remember, reviews make an author's world go round. :)


	8. Chapter 7

**AN:** The response for the last chapter was absolutely phenomenal! Thank you so much for your reviews, especially those of you who have been reviewing every chapter. It really means a lot to me. I'd also like to thanks everyone who has shown interest in my story and added my fic to their alert list. I hope to be hearing your thoughts soon! And I'm glad everyone has been patient with this next update. It took a while to churn this chapter out, and it ended up being shorter than the others but it's mostly because it's more of an extension of last chapter. I hope you all enjoy!

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- Chapter 7 –

I watched in misery as Edward's sullen expression got smaller and smaller from Emmett racing away with me dangling off his shoulder. Something was about to happen. I could _feel_ it. And it all had to be ruined by Emmett's perpetual need to stake out wherever I am when he gets bored. Rage boiled feverishly under my skin, and I swung a hard knee into his gut.

"Oooph," Emmett crashed down to his knees as I scrambled off of his shoulder.

"What the hell, Bella?" He rose up on his feet again and spun around to face me, shock coloring his face white. "What was that for?"

A low, warning growl rumbled deep in my chest, "You can't just man handle me whenever you want!"

Emmett whistled, a grin stretching across his face, "Who would have thought? The baby having a little fight in her."

He turned away from me and began to descend down the hill we were standing on. I sized up his massive shoulders and bulging arms, determining my next move. A hiss slid through my teeth as I launched myself onto Emmett's back, sending both of us tumbling down the side of the hill. He was quick to defend himself after the first impact, twisting his body to grab a hold of my shoulders. On the second roll, I broke free from his iron grip, a massive strength powering my muscles. The final impact landed us at the bottom the hill, Emmett flat on his back with me pinning his entire upper body to the ground. A stream of applause greeted us, and I turned my head up to find everyone, including Edward (who must have run ahead of us at some point) standing in a row, clapping at our performance. Emmett pushed me off him, spitting out a mouth full of dirt.

"Bravo, bravo," Jasper chimed as he continued to obnoxiously clap in hopes of torturing Emmett. Emmett glared at him, and everyone laughed in unison, even Rosalie who surprised me since I just publically humiliated her husband. The only one not joining the laughter was Alice, who now stood horror-struck as her eyes took in my appearance.

"Bella!" she shrieked, her tiny hands pulling at her hair as she raced into the woods and returned holding a black canvas bag. She pulled out a t-shirt and a hair brush, her disappointment shading her features.

"I anticipated the torn shirt but _now_ look at you," she pushed the items into my lap. "Why can't you be more conscious of your appearance, especially when wearing all these nice things I bought you?"

"Well she is a temperamental newborn, Alice," Jasper declared, defending me. "It's nice to see her finally reacting normal to something."

"That was not normal," Emmett huffed in between his trials of spitting all ofthe dirt out of his mouth that had now turned into mud. Rosalie frowned at his predicament. "She's a raging lunatic!"

"You're just mad Bella is the only one who can take you for the next few years," Edward snarked back, wearing the side grin I came to love. "Well, the only one except me, of course."

"That's because you both cheat!" A stubborn pout puckered on Emmett's face as he stormed away. Rosalie rolled her eyes and shook her head as she followed after him.

I looked down at the garment in my hands that Alice had deposited. The shirt was a black, button up that could easily fit over my current torn attire. I stood up on my feet and dusted as much of the dirt and dust off my clothes that I could. Alice stood by, tapping her foot impatiently as I pulled the shirt over my head and ran the brush through my hair once, ripping through the tangles. I handed it back to her, beginning to feel embarrassed by my outburst on the hill as well as Alice's handicap treatment.

"You don't have to always treat me like a child," I said to her, folding my arms across my chest.

"You are, in ways," Jasper calmly stated. His eyes were unusually focused on me. Edward frowned at his side, understanding whatever was going through Jasper's mind. Anger coiled in my stomach again, in much the same way when Emmett had called me "the baby" a few minutes before.

"I might be young, but even you said yourself I'm much more controlled than most newborns," I proudly threw back.

"No one is trying to say you aren't, Bella," Alice placed a warm hand on my shoulder. "But you're going to keep facing challenges with this new life, just like we all have, where you'll struggle with emotions, movements…. cravings." Her voice dropped on the last word.

I let the argument go, fuming in my own stubborn qualms. Alice and Jasper led the way deeper into the forest, hands clasped together once more. Edward ran beside me with what felt like a mile in comparison to the leading couple. Only a minute into our run, Emmett and Rosalie trailed behind us, picking up speed to catch up. Rosalie settled into the group run behind Edward while Emmett continued accelerating to run at my side.

"You might have won this one, Swan," he recited, his toothy grin returning to his face. "But you better watch your back from here on out."

I smiled back at him, acknowledging his playful forgiveness and allowing my own anger to subside as well.

Still feeling hungry after the ewe I drained, I open my airways and tasted the air around, trying to seek out something appetizing. A thick, musky odor filled my nostrils just as Emmett made a soft "whoop"ing noise. Bear.

"Finally!" he whispered and took off towards the north. Jasper released Alice's hand following after his brute tracks.

"They'll be gone for a while," Rosalie grouched behind us.

A short while later, an unfamiliar, herbivore scent filled the air that had Alice and Rosalie darting off in its direction. I contemplated following them to explore the new meal when Edward interrupted my curiosity.

"It's just caribou," he stated, beginning to shift his direction to run in front of me. "The lynxs should be nearby soon. You'll rather have that instead."

I followed Edward's lead, his body slithering through the tree trunks. My eyes trained on the long expanse of his back and the way his thin, tall torso ended at his slender hips. The sleeves of his dark blue button up were rolled up to his elbows, exposing a pair of pale, strong forearms, clenching in anticipation.

I could smell them then; tangy, swelled hearts pumping wildly in their chests as their mouth-watering nectar circulated hotly beneath their thick skin. Something ethereal swirled inside me, priming my bones and coating my teeth. I brought my own hand to my chest, waiting to feel just one thud to against my ribcage, but as always, my hand only felt stilled silence. How could I be so different from then yet feel this… alive? Alive wasn't the right word. I was a life form in my days of scraped knees and seasonal flu. Now, I had transformed into something more as well as something less: a regenerated creature too powerful to die or belong in this world.

"They're hunting," Edward said beside me as he came to a halt, his voice deep and longing, playing my spine like the keys of his piano.

"They smell as good as mountain lion," I whispered, wanting more than anything to charge. Instead, I crept a few paces closer to his side.

"Not as good in my opinion but definitely the next best thing." Rays of morning sunlight leaking through the trees touched reddish-brown highlights to the tips of his hair. The rest of his face remained shadowed, his hard jaw set firmly as a sly smile wavered on his face. "Let's go."

I followed two paces behind him. His stealth movements were soundless against the forest floor as we dodged our way through the trees. As we approached the lynxes hunting grounds, I slowed down just enough to get a glimpse of Edward's hunting in action as he leapt forward and pounced on the unsuspecting cat. His body and movements reminded me of his preferred prey, slender and gorgeous with a dormant power waiting to be expelled. A thrilling shiver ran through me as I soaked in the sight, and I attacked the second lynx just a split second after Edward, keeping my eyes focused on him as I drained the fighting animal. Their third companion poking his head through a rabbit hole made a mad dash for the mountains once he became aware of the danger.

Feeling heavy and full from the blood sloshing around in my stomach, I joined Edward's side as we left our kills behind. His clothes still managed to appear undisturbed by the meal, and the only signs of imperfection were his wind-blown strands of hair crisscrossing on his head. I looked down at my own clothes finding them twisted but intact, saving me from Alice's wrath.

Out of my long-extending periphery, I noticed Edward cocking his head, staring at my face with a slight grin. I turned my head, his butterscotch eyes melting my bones. The sun rising away from the horizon behind his back cast a white halo around his tousled hair, the apples of his cheeks sparkling where the light bled through onto his face. Still smiling, he raised a hesitant hand, reaching out to cup my jaw. His long fingers felt warm and comforting against my skin. I stared deep into his eyes, wondering what he about to do, when he swiped his smooth thumb against the corner of my mouth.

"You had a little - ," he broke off mid sentence, removing his hand and revealing the blood stain across the pad of his thumb.

"Oh," I brought my hands to touch both sides of my cheeks and slide my fingers forward to cover my mouth. I could have sworn the tips of my fingers felt heat pooling into cheeks. With my head dipped over, facing the ground, I pulled myself ahead of him.

"Don't be embarrassed," Edward tugged at my elbow, positioning himself in front of me. "Not even the oldest of us always drain perfectly clean."

"It's not that," I murmured shaking my head. Edward's worried expression shifted into confusion.

"Then what is it?"

I thought carefully about how to word my answer, disgust and shame blinking in technicolor lights around all of my thoughts. There just wasn't a right way to put this.

"Don't you feel disgusted sometimes?" I whispered, my hands still covering my mouth. Edward's light touch still holding my elbows fathered ripples up and down my arm. "Having to sustain yourself like a savage? Feeling all of these monstrous urges and taking pleasure from killing life?"

I waited for the offended objection, his insistence that this life was a gift from superiority I had seen this disease give the others. Against my expectations, his face returned to the smile he wore before, the imprint his warm palm left on his face tingling against my jaw line.

"You really are one of a kind, Isabella," his voice dripped honey syrup down my ears.

"Wha-what do you mean?" I stuttered, blinking my eyes as I gazed at his glowing beauty.

Edward let out a chuckle, shaking his head as he steered us forward again. I walked alongside him, feeling a little lost when he let go of my arm and placed his hands his deep pockets.

"To answer your previous question," he began. "No, I don't feel that way about this. Not when hunting animals. I see it as a grateful alternative," he paused, his face turning serious as if he were considering something. "You see, for about a decade of my existence, I actually hunted humans."

He waited for me to respond, and I imagined in his mind he was waiting for my horrified reaction. The naivety of my embarrassment suddenly hit me as I considered all of those times I ached in want to drain an entire city, and how I would feel now if I had done so.

"Tell me about it," I said, curious and anxious to know his story.

Edward eyed me warily but fulfilled my request.

"Not long after I was turned by Carlisle, I left him and Esme to be off on my own. I had grown to be resentful of him changing me and wanted to make this life my own rather than living up to his version of it." He paused, turning his head towards me to elaborate. "It's not that I hated Carlisle for changing me. If I couldn't hear his compassion and pure intentions, the shame about this life would have driven me to that. So instead, it drove me to just leaving all together rather than living with him and those conflicting emotions."

"I convinced myself that only killing those who deserved it… killers, rapists, and others that commit violent acts… would somehow make me feeding on them justifiable. It was almost some kind of superhero-God complex I formed, seeing my power as a means of cleaning up the streets, or so I told myself. I lived that way for about a decade."

"That seems like a good thing, I think," I quickly responded, putting myself in his position. "I'm sure you saved a lot of people from pain and misery."

"I did," Edward solemnly nodded. "But in the end, I realized I wasn't "saving humanity" like I built myself up to think. It was all just a selfish excuse to take human life and feed that red-eyed monster. Killers or not, I don't have the authority to decide who lives and who dies. It made me no better than them. Even human lawmakers have realized vigilantism is, in its own way, a crime."

His words struck a chord deep inside my chest. I had always said to myself that what I had done was the right thing. The pain _he_ inflicted had to be erased from this earth. But Edward was proposing to me a different philosophy, one that ripped off the band-aid covering the guilt that had always been waiting underneath the surface.

"The Volturi are the lawmakers of our kind, right?" I asked, trying my best to remain as nonchalant outside to cover my frantic worries inside.

"Right."

"So do they have a similar rule against that… I mean… a rule against killing another vampire?"

Edward shook his head, his face amused as if the question I had asked was the most ridiculous thing.

"Even with the Volturi's superior morals that vampires are somehow above humans… even they don't value their own kinds' lives enough for that. Nor should they. Vampires don't follow the same codes as humans."

"You do," I retorted. "You and everyone else here."

"No, we try to," Edward's face darkened as the sun rose higher in the sky. "Carlisle likes to believe we could still be like them if we go against all of our natural instincts, but because those exist and will always be there, we'll never be like them."

I could argue with him, reminding him of all the "inhumane" ways humans treat each other all of the time. We could go back and forth, having an intellectual argument about the value of life, both human and animal, and how that applies to us. But I knew where Edward was coming from, that place inside your thoughts that always makes sure to remind you you're a monster. It was neither rational nor emotional, only brutally honest and consistent.

"I've been questioning that recently," Edward continued keeping his eyes carefully trained away from me. "Because of you."

"Me?"

Edward nodded his head shyly, not offering any further explanation. I felt as if I were levitating next to him, walking on his words. I didn't know what it was that I did to deserve this kind of affection from him, but I felt unworthy of it after this conversation.

"I'm not as good as you think I am," I replied, mimicking his timid stance.

Edward raised his eyebrow in my direction, intrigue lighting up his smile, "I find that hard to believe."

As we walked side by side, our skin refracting the sun's rays, I wondered what Edward would think of me if I revealed my secret to him. Would he be understanding because of his own past? And with that understanding, would his perfect image of me be shattered forever, and I would join the ranks of the monsters, making me into just another savage vampire. I wasn't sure if I would or wouldn't tell him everything one day, but for now, I remained silent, enjoying the delusion.

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**AN2:** I hope you all enjoyed this update and are more intrigued about Bella's past. Next update will be posted in about a week. Let me know what your thoughts are on this chapter!


	9. Chapter 8

**AN:** Hello guys! Thanks for the patience. This chapter would have been up yesterday, but was having some problems and I couldn't upload it. This one is a lot longer than the last, and it's actually the chapter I have been looking forward to the most to write since it contains the scene that started this entire story.

And thank you to all of you who reviewed my last chapters and the chapters before, both anonymous and users alike! I really appreciate all of the insight. And special thanks to yasdnil723 for beta'ing this particular chapter for me.

I hope you all enjoy! And remember to review :D

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- Chapter 8 –

Alice and I relaxed in my room, the afternoon sun reaching through the pink curtains of the window. With a sketch pad beneath her, Alice had been feverishly scribbling a pictorial narrative of beautiful and frightening landscape scenes. "It's not just our futures I see," she explained after the first ten minutes of me quietly observing in awe and confusion. The activity seemed therapeutic for little Alice, her child-like, feminine hands clutching desperately to her sketching pencil, graphite smearing and swishing across the white paper like an ash tornado. When I asked her how far in the future these events occurred, the only answer she assured me of was, "We'll be dead by then." I didn't dare ask to see her rendition of the demise of our immortal kind.

I gave up on my peep show into Alice's visions, surrendering myself to re-read Wuthering Heights for the fifth time. Within an hour, I already began the section when young Cathy meets her cousin Hareton, my familiarity with the novel as well as my enhanced sensory and processing skills had zoomed me through Catherine and Heathcliff's unrequited, tragic love affair. Hareton's hostile, confused reactions to little Cathy's behaviors made me remember Edward's peculiar actions the first few days I'd known him. We resided in a comfortable relationship now, choosing each other's company when the others separated for their alone time. In a way, it felt like alone time for us as well, but without any physical affection whatsoever. After our hunting trip in the woods, I got the impression Edward might have been interested in me in _that_ way, the same way that had me dreaming of him when he wasn't around and teasing my insides when he was. But instead of heated make-out sessions on the couch, I got chivalry and bowed away glances when anything began approaching suggestive. At times, it left me feeling like some huge, green ogre. Part of me wondered if I should just jump him myself, clearly indicating what I wanted and needed from him.

"That will blow up in your face," Alice stated from her space at the end of the bed. Lying on her stomach, she crossed her ankles above her back, her hand still tirelessly scribbling away.

I frowned from my spot against the headboard, "Well what am I supposed to do?"

Alice dropped her pencil on the sketch pad, pausing a moment to ponder my request.

"What you have to know about Edward is not only is he a brooding, anti-social virgin, which already puts your plan in the minus column, but he also grew up in a time period of arranged marriages and where women simply showing their ankles was considered provocative."

"So I'm supposed to just wait around for him to ask me to marry him?" I rolled my eyes.

"No," Alice genuinely considered that route, her eyes narrowing as she analyzed the trajectory. "No, there is definitely a way you can entice him. He is certainly more than susceptible."

I sat up straight on the bed, "What do you mean?"

"Jasper always says that whenever you two are in the same room, the sexual tension coming from Edward can get unbearable." Swarming butterflies fluttered against my chest. So he was feeling the same way.

"There is also fear and anxiety mixed in as well," Alice added, raining all over my short-lived parade.

I crinkled my forehead, trying to wrap my head around the situation, "So what you're saying is Edward finds me attractive, he's just too proper and afraid to do anything about it?"

"Bingo."

"Well then why is my plan such a big failure? It seems like I would have to initiate it anyways," I crossed my arms across my chest, pouting.

"Because of the third thing about Edward," Alice clarified. "He's an arrogant, control freak who thinks his way is the only way. I'm sure it's from almost a century of reading minds. He always thinks he is one step ahead of everyone else. But with you… you're totally blank to him, and I'm positive that scares the crap out of him."

Dejected, I knocked my head against the back of the wall, groaning into the open space towards the ceiling.

"Besides, 95% of the time, you'd chicken out of 'your plan' anyways," Alice picked her pencil up, returning back to her pad.

She was right. Now in the comfort of my room with only the company of Alice and my sexual frustration, I was all talk. But in reality, when I was next to Edward, I turned into a bag of nervous caterpillars, thousands of insecure ideas squirming around in my head. If I really thought about it, it wasn't solely Edward's fault for our halt in development. Fear of rejection inhibited every affectionate instinct I had, holding me suspended in a mate-less limbo, my heaven in sight but completely out of reach.

"So what do you suggest I do?"

Alice tapped the end of her pencil against her cheek, "You have to make him believe it was his idea all along. Give him some kind of sign or push him over the edge somehow that breaks through that nervous teenage boy complex he has going on."

Alice's eyes zoned out transfixed on an invisible point in space. I recognized it immediately as one of her visions playing before her like a movie on a projector screen. When she snapped out of the trance, she bounced to her feet on top of the bed, hopping up and down.

"I've got it! I've got it!" She screeched so loud I was sure that Emmett and Edward would be able to hear her all the way in the neighboring city they drove to. Before I could ask what she saw, she bounded off the bed and out of the room, skipping through the house like a frog traveling by lily pads. I followed quickly on her tail, worried about what the little monster was up to.

We came to a screeching halt in Rosalie and Emmett's room, Alice diving for the closet and snorkeling down to the bottom. She pulled out an old chest, snapping the top open and planting herself face first into the box. I approached from behind slowly, trying to get a look to see what she was digging for, when brightly covered fabrics flew over her shoulders, scattering across the bedroom floor. I reached down for a hot pink, flimsy garment flung to my feet. The familiar polyester slid against my finger tips.

"ALICE!?!" My scream echoed in a series of threes throughout the house. "I am NOT prancing around in some… some tiny bikini!"

"Relax," she didn't bother coming up for air.

Rosalie stepped into the room then, twirling a long blonde lock around her pointer finger.

"What's she doing?" She nodded her head in Alice's direction, not seeming to care that Alice was throwing her swim suits around the room.

"Ruining my life."

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic, Bella," Alice stood up from her knees, holding the two pieces she was looking for. She handed over the garments, "Is _this_ appropriate enough for you?"

I tentatively took the swim suit pieces from her, holding them up one by one in front of me to study what she had chosen. The top was a dark blue halter that extended down to the hips in a flowing fashion. I could have sworn it could be some racy shirt if it wasn't for the thick material. The bottoms were a pair of polyester, black short-shorts.

"Explain to me why you're pawning off mismatched pieces of my swimsuits to her," Rosalie turned her apathetic eyes to Alice, continuing to twirl her hair.

"I had to find the perfect piece for Bella to wear tonight that would both entice Edward and she wouldn't be a complete drag about wearing, as well."

I whipped my head in the girls' direction, tearing my eyes away from the new attire, "What do you mean tonight?"

"We're going to the reservoir for a midnight swim!" Alice's face lit up with a bright smile, and she clapped her hands together. Rosalie's face twisted in annoyance.

"Well now I'll have to find something to wear," she griped, sashaying her hips over to the open chest.

"Since when did we have this plan?" I asked, still confused about what was going on.

"Since about, oh I'd say, 3 minutes ago," Alice giggled into her hands.

I shook my head, returning my gaze back to the bathing suit pieces. The top was gorgeous now that I got a better look at it, the color strong and deep and just enough shimmer to appear lustrous but not tacky.

"I don't really see how this will entice him, though," I ventured to say, for a moment pretending like I was actually going to go along with this plan. "It doesn't look any more provocative than just a regular shirt."

"Let me see that," Rosalie snatch the top from my hands, situating it so the front faced her. A sly smile creeped across her cheek. "Oh, this is going to be perfect."

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Perfect isn't exactly how I would describe it. More like perfectly embarrassing.

The swimsuit fit just fine, hugging my body and accentuating what little curves I had without squeezing anything too tightly. The only problem that presented itself was the low v-cut, something I didn't consider before putting it on.

"Your breasts look phenomenal!" Alice squeed as she entered the room, carrying a beach towel and wearing large, red framed sunglasses (I wasn't even going to ask).

I crossed my arms over my exposed chest, wishing away this entire idea, "This is so embarrassing."

"Ugh, you're such a party poop," Alice tossed the towel onto the bedroom, sliding in by my side to join my appraisal in the mirror. "You look alluring."

"I look desperate."

"Even if that's true, Edward will be too busy drooling over these puppies to notice," Alice yanked my arms down, exposing my cleavage once again.

"Alice!" I swatted my hand at her, striking her on the shoulder.

"Owww!" She shrieked, "Watch the newborn fisticuffs!"

"Sorry," I grumbled, returning to my former protective shell. "I really am desperate, aren't I?"

"Bella, Bella," she scolded, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "In all seriousness now, desperate times call for desperate measures. God or evolution, whichever of the two, gave you an advantage all of us women have to use every once and a while to reign our men in. And well… for some reason you've chosen Edward to be that guy, who is the most stubborn piece of work I've ever known. If you want to push this relationship into the next level, you have to do this."

"You never did explain to me why _this_ of all things. I still have no idea what you're up to."

"I'm not up to anything. I'm simply just pushing you towards the right course of action to get you where you wanna go faster. When have I ever let you down?"

I considered her words genuinely, turning a brave face back to the mirror. If I were completely honest with myself, I could see what Alice meant. A raw sexuality shaped and curved my look in a way I had never seen on myself before. My long, chocolate brown hair swooped down against the apples of my cheeks, the ends curling just below my ribs, centering the focus on the round, firm cleavage budding between the V of the halter top. I had never realized I even had enough development to accomplish this look, but I guess that's what happens when you don't even begin to try.

"Rosalie will be grouchy for a while after she sees you. You fill that top out better than she ever has."

I surrendered completely, accepting that tonight, whether I succeed or crash and burn, was going to happen. I turned to face Alice, hardly able to restrain the smile creeping across my face.

"Well, I guess I must look good if you can't stop ogling me."

Alice threw her head back in laughter, her over-sized sunglasses slipping on the bridge of her nose. "That's the spirit!"

I threw a shirt on and followed Alice down the stairs to the TV room, where the three guys were waiting in swim trunks and foul expressions. I noticed immediately how foreign Edward's legs looked to me, and I realized I had never seen him wear shorts before. His toned calves, lightly dusted with hair, lead up to a pair of knobby knees. My eyes roamed up the rest of his clothed body, resting on his face, dawned with a pointed expression and raised, inquisitive eyebrow in Alice's direction. After studying her for a moment, he shook his head, casting his eyes to the floor.

"Finally!" Emmett huffed from his spot on the recliner. "What the hell took you guys so long? And where's Rose?"

"I guess she's still getting ready," Alice shrugged her shoulders as she began to primp her hair, gazing at her reflection in a lone mirror hanging on the wall.

The guys rolled their eyes in unison, Emmett groaning as his large hands covered his face.

"Just go ahead of us. We'll catch up as soon as she comes down."

They filed out one by one, boredom drooping their shoulders as they drug their feet across the floor. I kept my sight trained on the carpet, sneaking a peak at the way Edward's bare ankle looked as he strolled by. Provocative indeed.

We waited another five minutes until Rosalie floated down the stairs, wearing a long, white sundress with her hair pulled back in a loose French braid. As she planted her sandaled feet on the bottom step, she ran her eyes over me, her naturally harsh expression clawing at my sensitive ego. A snide smirk snaked up her cheek, as if to say, "You can't pull this off."

We rode in her red sports car down bumpy, dirt roads carved through the forest leading directly to the lake side. The area appeared isolated and was close enough to the Cullens' home that suggested to me they may own the land. Just as well. It would probably be in everyone's best interest to avoid humans stumbling upon a vampire stomping grounds. We pulled in next to Emmett's jeep parked underneath a large tree, the headlights shining in the direction of the lake. The splashing of water and Emmett's distinctive laugh filled the air as we gathered ourselves out of the car and made our way down to the shoreline. We came upon a very disgruntled Jasper, struggling in an underwater headlock beneath Emmett's massive arms. Edward stood a few feet away in waist deep, black water, the moonlight illuminating his pearly skin. I felt breathless as I soaked in the roundness of his shoulders, framing the flat expanse of his chest, shadowed and toned in all the right places. As a spectator to the horse-play, he wore a wide smile across his face and openly laughed, my vampire vision catching the way the water dripped down from his hair and landed in large, wet drops against his jaw.

Alice and Rosalie set up camp just above the tide line, laying out beach chairs and towels as if they were ready for a round of sunbathing. Like well trained dogs, Emmett and Jasper put their fight on hold to hungrily gaze at their actions, and I watched as well in sudden curiosity. They moved in careful synchronization, peeling off their clothes to reveal flattering two-piece bikinis. Rosalie looked like a Sports Illustrated swim suit model, adorned provocatively to maintain an appropriate level of modesty for our own sakes, but showing off her long, flat torso and wide curves just enough to catch her prey, now salivating shamelessly as he trampled out of the water. What Alice lacked in curvy flesh and elongating height, she made up for in pizzazz and confidence. It was clear she needed no reassurance that she was everything Jasper wanted and more as she kicked her shorts off, revealing a vintage style, high-waisted bikini, topping it off with a pink floatation ring that she hooked around her hips as she bounded to join her mate in the water.

I now stood solitary on the sandy beach, a steady pulse shifting the air. It was my turn to show off, peeling away my long worn adolescence. The pressure reached ridiculous levels as I looked in Edward's direction, who waded in the water downcasting his eyes when I met his gaze. Sucking in a large breath, I removed my t-shirt like pulling off a band-aid, too quick to worry about the awkwardness. I didn't dare look in his direction as I walked down the shore, dipping my feet at the water's edge. I'm sure it would feel ice cold to a human, but my toes only sensed wet and neutral temperature.

I whipped my head around at the sound of Rosalie shrieking. Emmett ran back down to the water with the blonde bombshell cradled in his arms. He tossed her forward, her curled body crashing into the water. Alice and Jasper laughed from the sidelines as Rosalie shot up, thoroughly soaked and spitting out a mouthful of lake. I felt the tension pillow out of my pores, leaving my body as I laughed along with them at the sight of Emmett diving on top of her, dunking her head under once more.

I peddled further into the black lagoon, turning my eyesight back in Edward's direction. Gone. No beautiful boy with a smile that could move mountains of anguish inside me resided in the calm black water. I was only greeted by wind and waves.

My heart sank in my chest, hitting the bottom with a dull thud. A cold chill dampened my shoulders and chest, leaving me barren and exposed as I stood alone with the gentle waves rolling against my stomach. I looked over to Alice, wondering how she could knowingly lead me to this ultimate rejection. I shot arrows into the back of her head as she floated in the center of her ring, holding Jasper's full attention with her sultry eyes. Whether she was too busy to notice or too cruel to care, she kept her back facing me, never responding to my feeble attempt at getting a straight answer from her. I didn't dare look at Rosalie. This situation only convinced me now that when she said the choice was "perfect", she meant it with all the honesty sarcasm could bring.

Hurt and betrayed, I let my knees fall to the floor of the reservoir, completely submerging myself. My eyes opened to an unfamiliar world of black and white shapes, my vision allowing me to see a few feet in front of me from the miniscule light that existed here. Even unable to breath, I could still smell the freshwater life forms a well as the rambunctious vampires playing off to my left. Screw them and screw fate. I made the quick decision to test my underwater tracking abilities, kicking off the floor of the lake and pushing myself through the water.

It didn't take long to catch and follow his scent, discovering he had travelled around the bend and to the other side of the lake. The closer I got, the faster my growing anger propelled me forward. My travels lead me to an underwater cave, a pitch black tunnel into the heart of darkness. Tearing through cohesion, I wiggled my body up the curved entrance, ending up in a wide open cavity. Fading trickles of light blinked from above, and I floated my way up, breaking through the water's surface.

Opening my eyes, I found a disheartened Edward, sitting on a make-shift ledge with his legs dangling into the water beneath him. He stared back at me with a sad expression, appearing stressed with a hand tangled through his hair.

"You left me," I pronounced, wading in my spot just in front of him. Edward responded with a look of distorted pain, moving his hand to cover the side of his face.

I swam to his ledge, pulling myself up by my arms on the little space beside him. There was hardly enough room for me, but I wasn't going to let a little thing such as personal space stop this conversation from happening. I expected Edward to move and do everything he could to allow room between us, but he just sat perfectly still, allowing me to press against his side as I turned to sit down.

I took a moment to take in our surroundings, the dark and dampened cave walls dripping with stalactites. An opening in the roof revealed the clear night sky, the moon hovering just above, streaming light into the cavern. The raw pain of his absence returned to me as I sat in silence, thinking of an explanation.

"You know, don't you?" I finally spoke after arriving at the conclusion.

Edward sighed, rubbing his hand against his scalp. "Alice tipped me off that something was up by reciting passages of Shakespeare all day, blocking me from reading her thoughts, but Rosalie was the one who revealed it when you walked up."

Embarrassment clouded my thoughts, and I wanted nothing more than to sink back in the water again, disappearing for good. "I'm such an idiot."

"No," Edward's strained voice cracked. "You're not. I am."

"For what?" I scoffed, shaking the disconcerted cobwebs in my head.

"For having no clue how to do this," his voice dropped, melancholy seeping through. "For falling in love with you and not knowing how to show you."

Everything around us froze with his words buzzing in my ears and stilling my body. My exposed wound, throbbing from confrontation sealed up shut, silencing my thoughts.

"I know you've wanted me to take the lead, Bella," he began to explain, his voice shaking with a broken tremor. "And I want more than anything to show you exactly how I feel about you. I've been waiting for almost 90 years for you to come into my life, and now that you're here, I'm a mess. I don't know what to do or say, and I can't read your mind to know what you want from me… what is appropriate… how to court you."

"You don't have to court me, Edward," I finally answered, my bones thawing from my previous distress, feeling emboldened by Edward's heartfelt admission. "You just have to love me in whatever way you know how. I'll take anything and everything."

Edward stared back into my pleading eyes, our faces only inches apart. I watched the way my words bounced around in his head through the expressions in his golden eyes. As he came to a decision, he looked down at my lips, considering that avenue to venture. I instinctually ran my tongue across my bottom lip in response. His dark lashes fluttered and he returned his gaze back to my eyes seeing if I was sure. I held his stare, rooting him forward, and then his lips touched my own.

The kiss started slow, our lips lightly pressed together testing the new terrain. My mouth tingled with invitation and he kissed me again, catching my bottom lip as he brought his hands to cup my face. A warm heat radiated from the center of my chest, spreading its way through my arms and legs, leaving electric chills in its wake. Edward kissed me one last time before opening his mouth to mine and running his tongue across the space between my lips. I sucked in a gasp at his boldness and he took advantage of my open mouth, tilting my head to gain better access. I wrapped my arms around his neck, a rumbling passion pushing me forward as I pressed my chest up against him.

We explored each other's mouths, tasting hot sighs and dueling tongues. I felt as if I couldn't pull him close enough as my hands gripped his shoulders and ran down the smooth expanse of his back. He was the first to break the contact, nuzzling his face into my hair and his slow breathing tickling my neck.

"There's one thing I don't get," he muttered, planting a kiss just below my jaw. "Why a swimsuit, of all things?"

"Alice said I had to be enticing," I laughed nervously, my lips still vibrating in the aftershocks.

Edward chuckled, bringing his face back up. "You're always enticing," he whispered against my lips. I kissed him hard in response, feeling like I'd never be satiated with his touch.

We ended up reclining against the cave wall, my back pressed firmly against the smooth rock with Edward's upper body turned over me, our torsos lining together. Edward was kissing my neck as I laced my fingers through his wet hair when clarity pointed out that not only was I making out with Edward Cullen, but we also happened to be half naked in the process, kissing and caressing underneath the stars.

"This is beautiful," I said, sighing comfortably against a not-so-comfortable rock poking into my side.

Edward raised his head and smiled down at me. "You're beautiful."

I turned my face away from him, smiling in blissful shyness. He planted a feather-light kiss against my cheek and rested down beside me, turning his eyes up towards ceiling of the cave.

"This is my favorite place to come when we live here," he said, and I turned over to face him. "I come here when things get a little too intense."

"Like when the girl your sister drug home makes an embarrassing attempt at seduction," I joked.

"Is that what you were up to?" Edward teased back, turning his head to smile at me. "Well… it completely worked."

We both laughed, settling in against each other. I reached to grab one of his hands folded on top of his flat stomach. Our fingers intertwined together, and I rested my head against his shoulder, gazing up at the night sky again. The invisible wall keeping us at bay had been torn down, and a new, exhilarating connection was forming between us. I guess I shouldn't be mad at Alice after all.

"Does hating that your sister is always right ever get old?" I asked.

"Always," Edward laughed, pressing his nose to the top of my head. "I am sorry though, about running away. I felt like such a jerk for making you have to resort to going to my sisters for advice."

"I thought you didn't like it," I mumbled, tucking my head down. "I thought I had totally blew it and scared you away for good."

"Never," he squeezed my fingers in reassurance. "Quite the opposite."

We rested next to each other in silence, the open, emptiness of the cave serving as our own personal bubble from the outside world. Even with its natural beauty, I thought of how lonely it would feel to be in this space by yourself, and I felt grateful for taking a risk for once and following Edward here. Maybe this barren cavern could become our getaway place rather than his hideaway of solitude.

"Would you like to see another of my favorite places tomorrow?" His voice sounded deeper with my ear pressed to his skin.

"Of course."

* * *

**AN2:** I have a really busy week this week. 3 exams and a project I need to finish. The next chapter probably won't be up until the middle or end of the week after.

And remember to review!


	10. Chapter 9

**AN:** I know it's been a while since my last update, and I thank all of you for being so patient. I tried to get this written as fast as I can, and I really hope you all enjoy it.

**Warning:** This chapter includes one of the two reasons this fic is rated M. I think it's pretty clear that later on, I will include some sex scenes important to Edward and Bella's relationship. I'm definitely not one to shy away from smut, though this story isn't going to turn into a sex-capade fic. Sadly, no smut in this chapter but this chapter includes the second reason. The flashback at the end includes some violence, gore, and sexual abuse. I tried steering away from graphic imagery concerning the sexual abuse and went more with the suggestive, but the events are pretty clear. So if any of that offends you, this chapter might not be for you.

I really hope, again, that you all enjoy this fic. Please let me know what you think!

* * *

- Chapter 9 –

Edward and I lounged underneath the stars, no desire to return to the others. The conversation switched to the nonverbal, communicating messages through trailing fingers across our luminescent skin. Vampire skin did not feel much different than human skin, at least under my touch (I couldn't vouch for a human's perception of it). The only difference was, unlike most things we come in contact with, our own bodies feel sturdy and tough in comparison. I experimented with the new closeness, squeezing his palm and fingers. Edward didn't question my exploration; instead, he quietly observed my actions, allowing me to do as I pleased.

When we returned to the beach, the others had already left, leaving Rosalie's car behind for us to use. My nerves started to get the best of me as we drove up to the house. I had now known them long enough to expect that our reception would not be subtle. Edward must have sensed my hesitation. He was opening my door merely milliseconds from pulling into the driveway, offering a hand for me to hold onto. He interlaced his fingers through mine leading the way as we walked up the steps of the porch, crossing the threshold as … well, whatever you call girl and boy vampires that just admitted their feelings for one another.

Emmett was the first to greet us, standing in the corridor with his arms crossed against his chest, his teeth a blinding white as he grinned at us.

A feral growl rumbled in Edward's chest, sending chills down to my toes. "Don't say it," he ordered through his teeth, murder written all over his features as we pushed past his massive brother.

Emmett snorted, turning on his heels to follow, "I wasn't going to say anything."

"Well don't even think it when you're around me if you want to keep your throat."

Emmett guffawed as we ascended the stairs, leaving him with his own private amusement. Edward's grip squeezed my hand tighter during the altercation, confirming for me that his anger had to do with something Emmett was thinking about us. My body shivered from the aftershocks of the possessive display, and I realized that I liked when Edward got mad, especially when it was in my honor.

We entered his room with no further interruptions. As he shut the door behind us, I scanned my eyes over the interior again, seeing that everything was exactly as I had remembered with the exception of what I thought was a closet door which was now opened to reveal a bathroom. I turned the corner to look inside, finding a single shower with a clear door. My mind projected a montage of wet, naked Edwards, courtesy of tonight's exploits allowing my imagination to take a breath and not overwork itself.

"You can take a shower," his voice broke through my fantasy. "If you want."

I turned my head to find at him standing awkwardly by the door as if he wasn't sure what to do with himself or this new situation. His damp hair curled around his temples, hanging in his eyes as he held his head low. I felt empowered now realizing just how I affected him, and I wanted nothing more than to ask him to join me, though I knew it was too soon for things like that.

"I think I might," I answered back, touching the ends of my own hair, soaked with dirty lake water. I stepped inside the bathroom, closing the door over but making sure it didn't click shut … you know… just in case he might want to be a little bolder. At least he'll know I wouldn't mind.

The warm water felt good against my skin. Being a vampire had its perks when it came to showering. I didn't have to battle with barely turning the cold water faucet to find just that right temperature between warm and hot. Toweling off afterwards was also no longer a race to keep warm since my lowered body temperature seemed to manage dealing with the evaporation much easier. While I shampooed my hair and washed my skin, I spent most of my time thinking about me and Edward's new relationship and the concept of an "us". I guess technically he would be my boyfriend, but the word just didn't encompass our dynamic. Everything felt more intense. Boyfriends were human boys who drove their human girls crazy as they waited for their call, and in my mother's case, came and went out of fashion faster than she switched around her many new hobbies. Edward was a turn-of-the-century gentleman who lived through decades of societal change with the advantage of seeing the world without everyone's blinders hiding who they really are. In many ways, I was an infant in comparison, not only by my short blimp of human existence in comparison to his own long life, but my adolescent development as a newborn still in full swing. Nevertheless, Edward said he loved me before we even got to first base, and I could already feel my whole perspective shifting into focus on him and our bond. I wasn't sure if this was the typical beginnings of any relationship, human or vampire, or if this strong pull linked somewhere deeper than that.

I timidly stepped back into Edward's room, wearing only a towel to find he wasn't there. A stack of my clothes were folded neatly on his bedspread, and a soft melody from the piano echoed through the hallways below, indicating to me that he wasn't far away. I began to put the clothes on and realized Edward must have gone into my room to choose them rather than Alice since they were more on the comfortable than fashionable side. I felt like if I could, I would blush when I noticed he even picked out my underwear, choosing a simple white bra and matching panties. I wondered if this indicated Edward was more into innocent than sexy, or he just didn't want me thinking otherwise. The thought of stiff, proper Edward searching through my underwear drawer dumbfound and embarrassed made me giggle quietly to myself.

It was comforting to see that some things were still the same between us. Edward left a space on the piano bench for me, just like every night. As I snuggled against his side, I noticed a faint soap smell on his skin, and I figured he must have taken a shower in another bathroom at the same time as me.

"How did you manage to shower so fast?" I asked, breathing in his scent.

"You were in yours for a long time," Edward answered, the song he played dropping in tempo.

"I must have gotten distracted," I closed my eyes, letting my mind go blank as I absorbed the notes into my body. "Thanks, by the way, for getting me my clothes."

Edward nodded his head sheepishly, quickly changing the subject. "What were you distracted by?"

"I was just thinking," I shrugged my shoulders and rested my head against his upper arm.

"About…" He drew his voice out teasingly.

I tried to collect my thoughts, piecing together the best way to go about this. Maybe it was best not to put a label on things, and just let everything develop naturally.

"About us."

I watched as a small smile played across Edward's lips at my admission, "And what did you conclude about 'us'?"

"Well…" I began, tip toeing around the real question. "I guess there are some things I'm still confused about."

Edward didn't seem to like this answer as much. The cute furrow between his eyebrows I was becoming all too familiar with appeared.

"Like what?"

"Like…" I quickly tried to think of something else to say, when I suddenly remembered something I legitimately did wonder about. "Like why you hated me the first time we met."

He shook his head, the furrow disappearing as he relaxed. "I definitely did not hate you."

"Well, you certainly didn't like me," I smiled at him playfully, reassuring him I wasn't asking these questions in a confrontational way.

"I was uncomfortable," he clarified. I waited for him to continue his explanation. He noticed my patient silence and sighed as he realized he was in a bind. "It unnerved me that I couldn't read your mind. I always wished that I didn't have this ability, thinking it would relieve me of a great annoyance, but when I came face to face with the absence of it, I had no idea what to do with myself."

"So that's why you avoided me?" I asked, reliving the memoires, trying to adjust with my new perspective.

"I hope I didn't upset you," Edward's face turned solemn as a frown pulled down the corners of his mouth. "Once I got over my own ego, I really was completely taken by you."

"Because you can't read my mind," I quibbled back, thinking back to our conversation about Tanya during the hunting trip.

"Because you're amazing," he corrected and began dabbling with higher notes in the song on the piano, playing a romantic undertone to his words. "I've never met a soul as pure and good-intentioned as yours, and I've realized that that is what makes you so unpredictable to me. I would give anything to be able to hear your beautiful thoughts, but the fact that I can't only makes you my superior. You're much more to me now than just that."

I felt as if a bright light was radiating from my cheeks as I beamed up at him, falling over myself with his words. Dumbstruck, I tried to think of something as elegant and heartfelt to say back, but words were never my strong suit.

"Your equal," I finally said. Edward quirked an eyebrow down at me.

"Not your superior. Always your equal."

I relaxed against his shoulder, the tension erasing away from my conscience by the lovely song and his words I kept repeating in my head. I felt content now with the conversation, the answer to my question about our label exposing itself to me through my own revelation. I slowly lost myself in Edward's song, my whole being rocked and swayed by the notes of what sounded like a lullaby.

* * *

As promised, when the sun rose Edward took me to his second favorite place in the area. I was more than happy because once Edward stopped playing the piano, the others felt it was okay to crawl out of their own hiding places and fuss over us. Esme looked teary eyed when she walked in on us sitting together on the couch, softly talking to each other about random things that interested us. She quickly apologized and dashed from the room as if she walked in on something too intimate for her eyes. Alice must have took this interruption as her own personal cue, and she strolled downstairs, planting herself right next to us with a smug, self-congratulatory expression. Jasper trailed behind her, looking much more relaxed than I had seen him in the past few days, smiling in relief at the sight of us. Edward took it upon himself then to suggest we go off on our own, which I more than happily accepted.

We hiked through the woods, choosing not to run as we normally would in order to take our time. The sun bled through the canopy of the tree tops, and Edward's skin sparkled like thousands of tiny diamonds embedded on the surface. I always tried to find a shadow to hide in when my own skin would reflect the sun back at me, disgusted by the alien effect. But on Edward, it just looked stunning. I would even go as far as to call it dazzling because of the enchantment it always seemed to trap me in.

As we began to approach the mountain range, Edward steered us into the direction of a path, leading around the corner of a mountain bend. Behind the bend, we came upon a beautiful valley, lush with soft, green grass. Beautiful wildflowers bloomed in random patches across the plain, making the entire scenery pop with lively colors.

"It's completely covered in snow in all of the other seasons," Edward began to explain as he led me to sit with him in the middle of the meadow. "But every summer it comes back, more alive than ever."

I noticed a sad, longing tone to his voice, recognizing the hidden meaning in his words. We were once as fragile and inspired by growth, but now we were as stationary and forever as the mountains towards the north. I reached out to grab his hand, hoping he could feel that I understood. His gentle, amber eyes warmed in response, and we extended on our backs, reclining next to each other hand in hand.

"There is an even better one back in Forks I wish I could show you," he continued. "When we go back in a few decades, hopefully it's still there for you to see."

A human memory floated to the surface of my conscious of a time just before my change.

"I actually was going to tell my mother I wanted to move to Forks to live with my dad," I began as the recollection became clearer. "Her husband was a minor league baseball player and traveled a lot, and I could tell she missed him."

I rolled over on my stomach to get a better view of his face as a thought occurred to me, "If I wasn't changed, we probably would have still met."

Edward stared at me for a few moments, considering my words. He then turned his face up to the sky, his eyes focusing on a faraway place.

"I guess we would have," his voice sounded on edge, revealing his inner conflict with the scenario.

"Do you think it would have still been this way?" I ventured to ask, wondering where his mind was going.

Edward exhaled heavily, his eye lashes dancing against the dark circles beneath his eyes, "No, it would have been impossible."

I tried to put myself back into the girl I had been as a human and thought of meeting Edward with a beating heart and blood running through my veins. Edward had had many years of control and abstinence from human blood. It had to be more bearable for them if they willing chose to go to school around humans. I then tried to think of my own reaction to Edward, both his beauty and his secret, and I couldn't imagine any kind of reality where I wouldn't be completely in love with him. Romantic love never existed for me before him, and I knew it would never exist without.

"I think we could make it work," I finally said. "In our own way."

Edward still seemed lost, and I could only imagine the self-depreciative place I pushed him into.

"It must have been fate all along," I announced. "Every future leads to us."

Edward loosened up and his face broke out into a smile. He turned over on his side, propping his head on his elbow to become eye-level with me. My body surged in response to the closeness, wanting nothing more than to lean in a few more inches and kiss him, forgetting about the 'what ifs'. Edward had another plan, however.

"Bella," he ran his tongue against his bottom lip, visibly nervous about what he wanted to say. "Why were you changed?"

I tensed up, a cold chill running through my body. This was it. The end of a beautiful beginning.

"I don't know," my defense reaction kicked into gear. "I just was."

Edward slowly shook his head, carefully collecting his words. "Vampires just don't change humans. It's much too hard for there not to be a reason."

I pushed back the memories all bobbing up, breaking through the tight enclosure where I kept them hidden deep inside. All my thoughts turned black and I felt myself being pulled back into that time again.

"It's okay to tell me," he reached out, running his hand down my back, saving me from the descent. I thought back to all the wonderful things he said about me just a few hours before. The way he spoke about me, it was like he thought of me as some kind of saint. How wrong he was.

"I'm afraid," I finally manage to stutter out, hiding my face beneath my hair. Edward's stroking hand twisted a few hanging strands behind my ear, trying to read my expression. "I don't want you to think less of me."

"Isabella," my full name rolled off of his tongue in a soft caress. "There is nothing you could tell me that would ever do that."

Crowded and exposed, I finally lost myself in the dark terrain of my psyche, returning to the place only nightmares existed.

* * *

_- Flashback –_

_I fingered the pages of the book, the smooth, crisp edges feathering across the tips. The store was closing soon, and a grumpy clerk had walked by eyeing me three times already. He wanted me to either make a purchase or leave. I had made my decision to tell my mother I was moving to Forks a few hours before, but I still didn't have the courage to leave my space in the book store._

_I picked up my messenger bag and walked up to the cash register to pay for the book. The balding clerk looked at me over his glasses before ringing the novel up. I handed him a twenty and zipped up my hoodie as he gathered my change._

_With my book wrapped in a thin plastic bag, I walked out of the bookstore onto the dark sidewalk. The mini –shopping mall was only a few blocks from my house, but I already knew my mom was probably freaking out about me being out so late. I thought of her already alone and depressed in her room from Phil leaving for his game tour just a week before. I wasn't helping the present situation at all, but I will soon give her exactly what she needs._

_I didn't feel his hands on my body as I turned the corner into the residential area. I didn't see his face or have time to think to run for my life. The only thing I sensed were the hairs sticking up on my neck, and then everything went dark._

_

* * *

  
_

_I woke up to burning. He was on top of me, feeling like a boulder crushing my chest. A fire singed my neck, and I tried to struggle against him but his crushing weight kept me right where I was. The pain pinched my eyes shut as I cried and gasped for air. The burning spread down my chest and through my arms, keeping me pinned to ground. I couldn't feel his weight anymore but his presence was all around me, hovering over my skin and crawling through my veins._

_A Salem witch on her pyre, I lie burning on the hardwood floor for an eternity, straddling the line of death and life. I begged for death because life meant pain, and death became the road of the merciful release. My body boiled and throbbed, Hell encasing me in a glass casket I'd never escape._

_When my heart beat stopped like an airplane propeller that spun its last flight, the burning left with it. Positive I had finally got my wish, I relaxed my tensed muscles, finally at peace with my suffering. The taste of fungal perfume and dust against my tongue brought me back to the reality at hand, and I popped my undead eyes open to a dark room with no windows. I sprung to my feet, crouching over on my extended hands as I faced a man standing in the middle of the room. He appeared smug as his red eyes gleamed down at me, and an instinctual growl erupted from my chest. His eyes widened, the red-blood sadism shifting to confused fear as he took a step back. Frightened myself, I growled again, wishing this demon would leave and never show me his scarred face again._

_He scrambled away, leaving me in the dark room. I curled my body in the closest corner, hugging my knees to my chest as I tried to figure out what had happened to me and where I was. That's when the burning returned, climbing up the column of my throat with sharp flames. I gasped for air and clutched my hands around my neck. The soft caress of warm, thick liquid running down my throat invaded my head, forcing me to accept this excruciating pain as the worst thirst I had ever experienced._

_I rocked back and forth from my place on the floor, a pendulum keeping the time as I sat there trying to find a way to ignore the pain. Tactile distractions seemed to help the best, and I felt my way around the room, trying to find some way out. I felt every hardened paint drip, every trapped piece of saw dust, but no way out other than the strange creature's exit. I imagined him standing just behind the piece of wood, waiting patiently for me to make my escape._

_I scrambled back to the corner of the room, curling into my protective ball._

_

* * *

  
_

_It's hard to count the days when you can't see the sun and have no urge to sleep. I waited for my body to sag against the wall with eyes fluttering back into my head, but the exhaustion never came. Instead I lied there awake, listening to the harsh cries and guttural growls coming from the room below me. It sounded like a wild animal ripping a woman apart over, and over, and over…._

_My throat continued to ache, but the throbbing turned into a dull pain, blinking into my consciousness wherever it found an entry point. Most of my attention remained fixed on the dust particles floating through the air. A dim light from somewhere past the door had been turned on, and mischievous traveling photons found their way into the space. In my mind, the red eyed monster now sat outside the door, entertaining himself with a book to read as he waited to tear me to pieces._

_A break in the rotating wait punched through my throat with roaring clarity. My muscles clenched in a grand mahl spasm as the most intoxicating smell filled the air, turning the heat on my burning throat to broil. It smelled of relief. Suddenly animated, my legs stepped into action, carrying me in the direction of the elixir. I was no longer scared, lonely Bella. I had become a starved-crazed torture victim, ready to submit to the pain or die trying. I swung the door open only to find an empty stairwell, paving the way to my prized destination. My mouth salivated, a thick film coating my teeth as a new, sweet secretion pooled beneath my tongue._

_I descended the staircase, a dim light casting shadows across the ripped, dark wallpaper. A desperate slurping came from the room just beyond the bottom stair, and I turned the corner hesitantly, crouching down on my knees. The delicious aroma had me spellbound, driven to push forward, but a small voice inside my head reminded me that an alien danger lurked all around. I poked my head into the room, the slurping amplifying in my ears. I came upon a strange sight, three bobbing heads attached to barely clothed women crouching over another woman, their mouths latched onto different points on her body as if she had misplaced nipples supplying them with drug-laced nutrients._

_My stomach twisted as time around me shifted into slow-mo. I now could see that this is where the heavenly potion lie, and I'd have to suck my pain away. The fire raging in my throat, begging me to give in only disgusted me more. A loud crack split through the room as one of the sucking females pulled the glassy-eyed woman's thigh from her pelvis, stringy tendons stretching out of the cavity. I averted my eyes, no longer able to stand the sight, only to find my patient red-eyed demon sitting in the corner of the room, observing me pensively. He flashed a sinister smile as I caught his eye, clearly pleased by his satanic feast._

_I ran up the stairs with more speed than I believed I possessed, leaving the bobbing heads and grinning eyes behind._

_

* * *

  
_

_"You'll be with me soon." He whispered through the door, an unfamiliar, rough French accent billowing from his lips. "They all come around. . . in their own ways."_

_He visited me every few hours, pressing his face against the door, reciting sadistic love poems about how he would possess me soon. The screams of pain from the sucking-women that followed revealed to me exactly what that possession entailed. Their torture was set on auto-play, hourly reclaimings repeating from sunrise to sunset. I came to realize the hollow vocalization of their suffering was only an act for his pleasure only, their bodies and minds brutalized beyond the point of sentience anymore._

_I couldn't fathom why he hadn't just attack me already. Surely he could overpower a 17 year old girl. As much as I feared becoming like them, the helpless wait with a front-row seat to my near-distant future felt almost as unbearable. The shrill cries still couldn't compare to the burning in my throat. My body now knew exactly what it craved, and it screamed for it louder than ever before. I lie wasted away in the fetal position across the floor, my ear pressed firmly to the wood feeling the shakes and rumbles of his assault creaking through the walls._

_It was high noon when my body and mind had enough. I knew because when I descended the stairs again, the windows glowed bright yellow through the curtains, not even the sun's beams daring to pass through the threshold. I entered the feeding room one last time, liquid pooling in my mouth remembering the previous encounter. He was on top of one of them, her pale face pressed into the floor with her black, lifeless eyes focusing on a far away place. A turmoil churning inside my chest exploded and I leaped for him._

_I wasn't Bella. I wasn't even human. I was a ripping, biting machine, sinking my fingers into connective tissue and pulling with all my strength. Crazed in this perpetual sleepless hell, I spit and clawed my way through him, feeling his body tear beneath my wild hands. The frenzy commenced, driving me to the kill point as I wrenched his head completely off._

_I stopped then, staring down to survey the scene. Thousands of bloodless pieces of what once was my red-eyed capturer lay strewn across the floor. Stunned by my horrible capabilities, I moved backwards, the ends of my heels running into the one he was using, stilling lying on the floor._

_"You're free!" I said to her, the first time words had escaped my mouth since my fiery death. My voice sounded foreign and too feminine for this powerful, murderess body. "He's gone! You're free now!"_

_It was as if my words didn't even register with her. She continued to stare off into space, her chest slowly rising and falling._

_I scrambled from the room, finding the other two in the next room, lying on the hardwood floors in the same manner._

_"He's dead!" I screamed, but their bodies remained frozen. "I killed him! He's dead!"_

_My cries were only answered by the echoes bouncing off the empty walls._

_I ran from them. I ran away from their empty expressions and red stained mouths. I ran away from those bloodless pieces, reminiscent of his mark he left on me._

_

* * *

_

**AN2: **Next time: Edward's reaction and the conversation to follow. I'm on break right now, so the wait for the update will definitely not be anywhere near as long. Please review!


	11. Chapter 10

**AN:** Here is the next installment. I didn't really get much reviews last chapter, though I did get a lot of hits. Please, don't be shy! Hearing any of your opinions really makes all of this worth it. For those of you who continuously review each and every chapter, thank you so much! I really enjoyed hearing what you guys thought of the revelation of Bella's past! Knowing that anyone has interest in this story seriously makes me happy. And thank you to everyone who has added this story to Alert or their Favorites list. :D

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think!

* * *

- Chapter 10 –

He was silent as I told him the story, waiting patiently for me to finish, listening to my every word. Some parts were harder to explain than others, and the rest felt impossible, but somehow I managed to articulate the darkness and pain into words. Edward's hands never left my body. His palms rubbed my back to soothe me when my voice would choke at the overwhelming points, and he dotted light kisses on my fingers, encouraging me to continue. As I reached the end of the story, my chest heaved with dry sobs. I tried blinking my eyes, hoping the tears would fall, lubricating my pain, but they never came.

Edward wrapped me in his arms as I tried to calm my emotional outburst. As my breathing slowed, the pained hiccups silenced, and I rolled to look up at Edward's face. He greeted me with a soft, glowing expression, and I was confused. I just told him my darkest, most painful secret, tainting me forever in his eyes, and all he could do was smile at me?

"You're an angel," he finally spoke, stroking his long fingers down my cheek.

"What do you mean?" I blinked up at him.

"The fact that you even think I could hate you for that just proves to me more there is not a monstrous bone in your body."

I closed my eyes tight and vehemently shook my head, "No, Edward, don't. I… I _killed_ someone."

Opening my eyes, I found Edward's face twisted in pain and anger as he looked away from me, "That was not someone, Bella. I have lived a long time, and have known many, many cruel and twisted people. But this is a whole new level of evil."

"But you even said yourself, who are we to decide who lives and who dies," a dry sob ballooned in my chest again, and I swallowed deeply, trying to force it down.

"This is completely different!" Edward's voice rose, and I jumped. Feeling my reaction, he squeezed me tighter to his chest and whispered "Sorry" in my ear. Quieting his voice, he continued, "My murders were from a selfish place. I used vigilantism as an excuse, combing through the streets finding anyone who fit my judgmental code. You were acting out of self defense and liberating those women that were being tortured for who knows how long."

"They just lied there," I whispered, remembering their empty expressions. "I don't understand why he would do that to them… how he could do that to them. And why I was somehow different."

"He must have had a disabling power. Clearly he was their maker, but any new born can easily over power an older vampire unless they are an experience fighter or has some kind of extra sensory advantage. There is no way he could keep them as he did without one."

"And it didn't work on me."

"No, it didn't. Thank goodness," he squeezed me closer to his chest, and I nuzzled my face against his shirt.

"I didn't understand what had happened to me," I continued. "If I would have known I could have gotten away all along, I would have left right then."

"I know, love," he stroked the ends of my hair. A tiny smile crept on my face as my world view suddenly brightened at his words. It almost felt wrong to be pulled out of such a dark place by such a simple pet name, but I warmly embraced the opportunity.

Hungry to completely forget, I thought about Edward's soft lips and how they danced across mine only hours before. I lifted my head away from his chest, looking up at his face staring down at me in concern. My lips were on his before I had any second thoughts.

Kissing Edward was slowly developing into my new favorite past time. He filled my senses all at once, and there was no room for anything else, especially not any black-shaded memories of red-eyed monsters and carcasses. I tangled my fingers through his messy hair, pulling him as close as I could, while latching my lips onto his, desperately trying to tell him not to let go. Edward heard the message loud and clear, responding with equal intensity. He lifted my waist, our chest pressing together as our tongues met, frantically burying all that was wrong in the world and wrong with us.

I hooked my leg around his waist, trying to get him as close as possible. His hand tentatively traced the back of my knee, and I longed for it to move a little higher. I relaxed my entire body, allowing Edward to sink against me as I opened myself up to him. I had bared my soul, and now I wanted Edward to finally take me as his mate, forever sealing our immortal bond. Edward's hesitant hand had now ventured to the top of my thigh, tracing circles up and down the denim. I squeezed my legs together, pressing Edward's thin hips into mine. He paused, his open mouth hovering over my own as a tiny groan slipped out. Feeling encouraged, I wrapped my other leg around him as well, hooking my ankles together and trapping his body against me. Every inch of him was now pressing into my body, a new pleasure beginning to heat underneath my skin. I captured his lips again, pushing my way through whatever wall was left between us. Just as I felt his firm hardness pressing into me intimately, he pulled away from the embrace.

Panting above me, the sun forming a halo around his disarrayed hair, he stared down at me and said, "I think maybe we should head back."

He pushed himself off the ground, dusting the grass off of his pants. His movements seemed disjointed, and he turned away from me as if he were hiding something. I sat up, my body still reeling from the excitement of our closeness. My arms and legs felt empty without Edward inbetween them, and the sting of the rejection began to settle in.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, embarrassment clouding my vision.

"For what?" His eyes widened, taking in my dejected state.

"For being so… so forward," I gave a half smile, trying my best to not seem so pathetic.

Edward crouched down on his knees, crawling over to me again, "Bella, no." He cupped my face in his large palms, lifting my head up to meet his eyes.

"Shit," he murmered. Whatever he saw in them, he wasn't too pleased with himself. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean for it to come across that way."

"Well how was it supposed to come across?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't smash my heart into a million pieces.

Edward held his head low, grabbing both of my hands resting in my lap. He rubbed circles with his thumbs across my knuckles.

"Most girls seem to worry about taking things too fast," he began to explain. "I didn't want you to feel any pressure."

"I guess I'm not most girls," I replied, looking down at our joined hands. I could sense Edward turning his eyes up at my admission. My face felt flushed, and I began to worry that maybe my characteristic blush had come back to haunt me, even after my change.

I sucked in a breath, feeling that it was either now or never to get this off my chest. "Edward, I love you. And I want to be with you forever." My voice sounded sure and confidant, but on the inside, I was trembling. "I want us to be mates, like Alice and Jasper or Carlisle and Esme."

The honey rich color of Edward's eyes melted as he took in my words, a breath-taking smile washing his insecure expression away.

"I love you, too," he leaned forward, planting a kiss on my lips. He kept his forehead resting against mine as he continued, "And we will be together, forever. There is no turning back."

"Well then there is nothing for me to worry about," I let out a small, reassuring giggle. "Other girls… human girls, they worry about the forever part. That's what's holding them back. But with you, I have no worries. I only have myself to give to you."

He kissed me again and this time I reciprocated, trying to convey to him that I meant every word of it. When our mouths untwined, he pecked my cheeks and neck, making sure every patch of skin felt his gratitude. His strong arms wrapped around my body, pulling me into a lover's embrace. We sat underneath the afternoon sun, holding each other until Edward spoke again.

"I'm not sure how to do any of this," he chuckled, pulling away to give me a bashful, warning look.

"Me either," I smiled. "We'll figure it out, though. In our own way."

We returned to the house with a new playful spring in our step. Edward decided he was going to race me back to the house, which was sorely interrupted by me shoving him into a bush once I caught up with him. He was after me within milliseconds, gaining speed as I tried pushing myself faster towards the house. Though my newborn legs were powerful, they just weren't enough to keep me ahead for long. Edward tackled me right as we entered the front lawn, pinning me beneath him as he began to poke my sides.

"Owe, owe, owe!" I chanted, squealing as he tickled me.

"Owe?" He shifted to my underarms. "You can't say owe! It doesn't hurt."

A loud crash of a window breaking interrupted my torture, and a white box went soaring through the air, black wires tethered to it like long snakes. The box landed just to our right, breaking open on impact, revealing a large computer mother board. I looked more closely, noticing the familiar shape and symbols on the white casing. It was an Xbox.

Edward and I rushed inside, finding Emmett sprawled out face down on the couch of the TV room, with Jasper standing triumphantly over him.

"Do I even want to ask?" I voiced the question out loud, looking to Edward for an explanation.

"Emmett is pissed Jasper beat him at Halo ten times in a row."

Angry footsteps pummeled their way from the backyard into the house. I turned to see a new and scary Esme I had never encountered before. The sweet, loving woman had vanished and a new killer mother was looking for blood.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen!" She yelled, pushing past us to face her victim. "Did you break _another_ one of my windows?"

"I'll fix it later," he groaned, his deep voice muffled by the couch cushions.

"No, what you're going to do is drive 30 miles to the nearest hardware store, buy a new window and fix it yourself, right now!"

Esme coolly turned, sashaying away. Emmett lifted his head, a pronounced pout jutting his bottom lip out.

"Come on, I'll go with you," Jasper offered in an effort to show some sportsmanship. Emmett glared up at his adopted brother, clearly still not over whatever duel had just occurred between them, but stood up, accepting his offer anyways.

As they walked by us, Jasper met my eyes, tipping his head in greetings towards me. The scars peppering his face stood out to me more now than usual. I saw my red-eyed demon, the same scars carved into his sinister features, revealing the brutality of his nature. An unearthly chill ran down my spine as the two boys walked out the front door. I realized I didn't really know anything about Jasper's past, other than he was changed during the Civil War and met Alice almost a century later. I now knew I had to know everything about Jasper, especially how he got those scars and what it could possibly have to do with the monster I destroyed.

"Are you okay?" Edward poked his head into my field of vision, concern stitched across his handsome features.

"Yeah," I blinked, realizing I had zoned out. "Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts for a second."

"What were you thinking about?"

I considered asking Edward. I was certain he would know plenty, but for some reason, I felt that Jasper had to be the one to tell me. If his scars had any connection to my creator, its possible Jasper might have known him from somewhere, and he could tell me what I was exactly dealing with.

"It's nothing," I smiled back at him.

Alice bounded down the steps, saving me from any further questions from a-not-so-convinced Edward.

"Hiya, lovebirds," she grinned from ear to ear, patting a place next to her on the couch. Edward guided us over to her, and I noticed I had been squeezing his hand unusually hard. That's probably what tipped him off.

"So how is life after your dear sister Alice so brilliantly brought you two together?" Alice gestured dramatically to herself, her voice taking on a whimsical tone.

"You didn't get us together," Edward shook his head. "It would have happened sooner or later."

"At the rate you work, Edward Cullen," Alice snapped her tongue. "You could count on much, _much _later."

"You have news," Edward stated, steering the conversation in another direction.

"I do," Alice nodded her head. "The Denalis will be visiting in a few days to see how Bella is doing."

Her announcement took me a little bit by surprise. I hadn't even thought much about the Denalis since I arrived. A warm glow filled my spirit, and I realized it would be nice seeing them again. Almost like when family would come to visit me and Renee. Edward, however, frowned, shaking his head, clearly not agreeing with the sentiment

"Don't worry," Alice swatted her hand in his direction. "Now that you're with Bella, Tanya will steer clear of openly flirting with you. At least… I haven't seen her doing it yet."

Edward rolled his eyes while I sat dumbstruck at this revelation. Tanya also had slipped my mind. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach with the idea of her arriving in her blonde, supreme glory. I wouldn't trade nor compromise my relationship with Edward for anything, but I just knew she would not be happy seeing this development, and I was more than positive that anger would be directed at me.

I had more important problems to deal with now, though. Figuring out the secrets of my past and seducing my vampire boyfriend was enough to worry about.

* * *

_Forks, Washington_

Charlie Swan threw his keys down on the dining room table. The house had stayed just like he left it, maybe a little cleaner. Sue had been keeping it up for him for the past year, even after her husband Harry died of a heart attack. A pang of guilt twisted in Charlie's chest. Here he was, not even sure if his little girl was dead or alive, lost out of his mind and Sue was still taking care of him.

He walked over to the answering machine, seeing that he only had two messages waiting for him. Everybody who lived in Forks knew he had left, so it didn't surprise him he had so little after a year of being gone. He pressed play, the most recent playing first.

"_Hey Charlie, it's Sue. I just wanted to make sure you got back from your flight okay. Call me when you get in."_

Charlie picked up the cordless phone, preparing to dial Sue's number when the next message began to play.

"_Um… Charlie. It's me, Renee. I – I know you're not even home to hear this, but I needed to tell someone. I see her, Charlie. I see her in my dreams. I see her in everything in the house. Sometimes, I even see her in brown haired girls at the grocery store. Phil thinks I'm going crazy… he wants me to go to a therapist, but I don't think I'm ready for that. I – I just want her back! I'll give anything to have her back! Please… please FIND her!"_

The message ended with Renee's broken, heavy sobs, and her hanging up the phone. The automated voice, reciting the day and time revealed she left the message only 2 months after Bella's disappearance.

The dark burden that weighed on his shoulders every day pushed harder against on his body. He rubbed his hands across his scruffy beard, trying to push out Renee's desperate plea from his mind. He made her a promise that he would find her, and he had failed. He did everything 20 years of police work had taught him and tried everything he could to learn how to do more. He still came up with nothing. Not even one fucking clue.

Out of habit, he wobbled over to the refrigerator, looking inside for a beer. Of course, there was nothing. No one had been here to stock up the fridge, and he certainly knew Sue was not a fan of his drinking habit. Closing the door, he leaned against the kitchen counter, breathing heavily. The walls felt suffocating, the dark shadows forming a box around him. He needed to get out of there. Sue would just have to wait.

Speeding down the highway at 11 o'clock at night, Charlie considered heading to the liquor store to buy a six pack. But then he remembered it was Sunday and Waylon closed the store at 10. He instead pulled into the only bar in Forks, recognizing the few cars parked out front as belonging to the local alcoholics he sometimes had to drive home in the middle of the night. He guessed in a way, he had become one of them.

Slinking inside, he held his head down low, taking a seat at the bar. So far, no one noticed him, as they guzzled over their pitchers in their own corners of the bar. Larry, the bartender Charlie had known since they went to high school together, turned to him.

"What are you having buddy?"

"Uh, a pitcher of Vitamin R," Charlie grunted, folding his hands in front of him.

"You got it," Larry turned around to grab a pitcher from under the bar. He paused, turning around to look at Charlie again.

"Chief?" He said. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, Larry," Charlie gave a half-hearted smile. "It's me."

"When did you get back in town?"

"Tonight. Just decided to stop buy and get a drink since I don't have any in my own fridge."

"Well it's good to see you," Larry's face turned to the familiar shade of pity Charlie had become accustomed to seeing. "Any leads on your girl?"

He shook his head, wishing Larry would just get him his beer already. He didn't really want to talk about this. Not now. "No, I wasn't able to find anything down there."

Larry nodded his head, his eyes expressing a sadness that made Charlie's stomach turn. "You'll find her, Chief. Now, how about I get you that Vitamin R? Think of it as a welcome home present, on the house."

Charlie nodded his head and thanked him, exhaling his breath when Larry turned around again.

From the back corner of the bar, a tall man dressed in a black, casual suit, stood up from his booth, making his way over to Charlie. Charlie studied him as he approached, knowing he was not a resident of the tiny town, at least not when he had left. He noticed he was strangely pale, a pale that stroked a memory that he couldn't quite bring to the surface just yet. He wore large sunglasses over his eyes, even though the bar only had dim light, and the sun had been set for hours. His hair, jet black, was greased back in a way he hadn't seen a man wear in decades, which displaced him even more from the small country town setting.

The smile the man wore as he approached him made Charlie uneasy. He could tell it was the stranger's attempt at a friendly gesture, but there wasn't something right about the way he grinned, just like there wasn't something right about the rest of him.

"Are you Chief Police Swan?" he asked, his soft French accent (probably Cajun, he assumed) solidifying for Charlie he was definitely a visitor.

"Former," Charlie clarified.

"Yes, former Chief of Police," The alien grin grew larger. "I'm Mr. Thibodeaux, and I think I can help you find your daughter."

* * *

**AN2:** Dum dum dum dum. I dedicate that ending to southern-angel2589 since you LOVE my cliff hangers. :P Love ya, girl!

Let me know what you guys think in a review! (Tickleward will be sad if you don't. =[ )


	12. Chapter 11

**AN:** I know. I'm a really terrible person. I didn't intend to make you guys go this long without an update, but school got the best of me this past month. Luckily I'm in a less busy portion of this semester now, so I was able to actually pound this thing out.

Thanks to everyone who has added me to alert and favorited my story. Dead Girl is now my top favorited/alert listed fic, and you guys don't even know how happy that makes me! Your support really encourages me to finish this.

So, I hope since the wait was long, this longer chapter is well worth it for you guys. And hopefully you all like the end. Leave lots a review and let me know! The response to the last chapter was seriously amazing! I hit my highest reviews/chapter of 18! Speaking of last chapter... some of you were thinking that the villian, Mr. Thibodeaux is actually Laurent. The similarities completely went over my head as I was constructing this character, so I'll just make it clear now that he is **NOT** Laurent, though I can totally see why some of you thought that. He is a complete OC that I made up.

Enjoy and leave a review!

* * *

- Chapter 11 -

Watching Alice hunched over her knees entranced by the figurines on the dusty chess board is a sight to see. Little Alice is always light on her feet, grinning a wide, welcoming smile as she glides through life with the knowledge of fate. So, it's humorous to see her usually free flowing arms tucked tightly in her lap and her bright eyes darkened by the shadows of her eyelashes as she squints in concentration. She had been in this packaged trance for almost ten minutes, an anti-meditation where, if she were human, her hair line would be dripping sweat down her crinkled brow line.

What got me the most, however, was Edward's nonchalant slouch, enjoying every second of Alice's mental labyrinth. If Alice was the sun of the Cullen household, Edward was the moon: her natural opposite. Always wound tight and never deviating from a set pattern (and certainly _never_ slouching!), Edward balanced her perpetual optimism and cheery delight with cynicism and gloomy opposition. It actually made sense, in their own magnetic way, for Edward to polarize Alice's actions in this moment, a subtle, amused grin dimpling his cheeks as he lounged in his chair across from her.

When Edward had said that they would play chess, I actually expected some kind of external game to commence, not be a witness to the invisible moves worked out in their minds. I held my gaze on Edward, willing him to look my way and give some sort of explanation. He either didn't pick up on my urgency or chose to ignore it because he kept his smiling eyes on his sister, who now was rocking in place, a humming noise vibrating through her lips like a small plane coming in to land.

"Blah!" She finally broadcasted to us, unraveling her body as she stood up from her seat. She threw her hands in the air, closing her eyes to the chess board as she turned and bolted for the stairs.

I remained quietly confused as Edward chuckled from his spot, being released from whatever faraway place he had gone off to with his sister. He turned his eyes on me, his golden globes bouncing as he smiled.

"So, what was _that_ all about?" I questioned as he made his way to sit next to me on the couch. "You guys didn't even do anything."

"That's one way of looking at it," Edward began, wrapping his arms around my waist. "To anyone paying attention, it looks like we've been at the same game of chess for 15 years now, but really we've played thousands of games."

"Thousands? But what are you're even doing?"

"She's looking into the future, seeing if there are any moves that would lead to her somehow winning, which is clearly impossible since I can everything she does."

I could feel Edward's elation bubbling off of his skin. He got some kind of kick out of this power game with his sister, and I now correctly interpreted his sleek smile from before for its true nature: smugness.

"Why keep trying then, if it'll never end up working?" I sunk myself closer into his side, relaxing as he moved his arm up around my shoulders.

"Alice is firmly convinced there is a way that she just hasn't seen yet. She's a firm believer that there is always a path not taken."

His nose skimmed across the top of my head as he squeezed me closer to his body. The pressure of being pressed against him in this way felt indescribable. My body purred in satisfied content but still hungrily sucked at his energy, desperately needing this connection to continue. Who knew cuddling could feel this intense? I closed my eyes and rested my head against his shoulder, soaking in the flow where my side rested deliciously against his own. I briefly wondered if he felt any of this at all, or maybe cuddling was just different for men and women, vampire or not.

"You could always just play anonymously," I muttered, a scheme entering into my mind. "She can make a move when you're not close enough to hear her thoughts."

He paused a moment, pondering my proposition, "That would be cheating, Bella."

I rolled my eyes, "The whole thing is cheating."

"Perhaps, but that isn't a part of _this_ game."

"You would just stop having fun, if it were the case," I poked, puffing out a small laugh.

"I wouldn't say its fun," he clarified. "Amusing, maybe."

I lifted my head from his shoulder to show him my pointed expression, "What do you mean? You're practically beaming from it!"

Edward's eyes softened and he smiled down at me, "Only because you're here now."

A small, impossible flutter danced in my chest seemingly originating from my still heart.

"For decades I've been walking this earth only going through the motions. Sure, I had my family and I love them dearly, but I couldn't feel it right here." He lifted my hand, pressing it to his chest right over where his heart would be "But ever since you've come into my life, none of it feels like I'm just existing. I'm living."

With my hand still touching his chest, I ducked my head down and pressed my ear to his sternum. The wells of my eyes pricked drily as I thought about his words, feeling their meaning spread through my body and inhabitating every cell spinning in unison. If spending the rest of eternity with this curse meant being Edward's mate, then I was more blessed then any creature. I snuggled in closer, listening for his own flutter.

"That's why ridiculous stuff like this makes me grin like a fool," he continued, cradling my head against him. "Everything makes me happy now that you're here to share it with." He let out a chuckle, "I'm sure if the others saw me now, they'd make some sarcastic remark about my "sense of humor of steel". Especially Emmett."

"Especially me what?" Emmett's booming voice bounced off the walls as he and Jasper appeared, carrying wood and glass panes from their trip to the hardware store.

Edward grumbled grumpily underneath his breath, and I sat up from my position chagrinned that our moment was ruined.

"Don't break up the _frisky_ love-fest just because of me," Emmett raised his eyebrows provocatively. "But since you're hands are free, come help me with this window."

Edward sighed and looked in my direction, his annoyed expression either saying "this won't take long" or "help me, please!" I shrugged my shoulders and gave him a half smile, encouraging him to choose and assuring him I was fine. He sat up from the couch and sulked over to the window, shoving Emmett as he passed.

I wondered if living in a house with 6 other vampires would ever allow for Edward and I to have real private time. My mind replayed Emmett's mocking words, stewing at the way he could see right through our innocent relationship. If I wanted to finally seal the deal with Edward, twining us in the way only nature could, did I really want the whole house being an audience to it or Edward being bombarded with their snooping thoughts?

Jasper announced he was going to the garage to get some tools. This reminded me of my previous plan. There really couldn't be a more perfect moment with Edward now busy fighting with Emmett about how they were going to fix the mess he made. Making a quick decision, I slithered off my seat and quietly followed Jasper out of the house.

Jasper didn't turn to look at me when I shut the door behind us. He simply walked over to a work bench, combing through the drawers as he called over his shoulder, "Was there something you wanted, Bella?"

I froze realizing that I didn't have any sort of plan on how to approach this situation._ Hey, Jasper! I just wanted to know how you got those big ugly scars on your face and if you know a nasty, kidnapping rapist with some just like it?_

I shrugged my shoulders, holding onto the door knob behind my back. "We just haven't really talked much. So I thought to come and say, 'what's up'?"

Jasper cocked an eyebrow up as he set a hammer down on the table. A long silence pushed the seconds one by one as Jasper continued to look for supplies, and I grew steadily more uncomfortable. Just as I decided to bail on this plan, Jasper opened his mouth.

"Are you handling everything okay, Bella? No control issues?"

I considered his question, confused by his direction. "No, no problems."

"Hmmmm… strange. Very strange," he mumbled, directing the utterance only to himself.

"You're always mentioning that," I asserted, leaving my place by the door and approaching his work area. "Why is that?"

Jasper turned to me, his eyes boring into mine, making me reconsider this path as a way into a conversation. I took the moment to get a better looks at his scars, the jagged indentions carving a chaotic design across his features. It looked like he got into some kind of fight with an animal, but my own hunting experiences allowed me know better. No animal could do this.

"Has anyone told you how I was changed?"

It felt like a weight dropped in the room and the thick air dissipated around us. I shook my head, and waited for him to continue.

"I joined the Confederate Army at a very young age and moved up in ranks quickly because of my natural charisma and ability to make people trust and feel comfortable around me. In 1863, only two years later, I was discovered by my creator Maria, and she recruited me into a far deadlier war."

"She used me to train her army of newborns because of my powers and experience. As you've probably noticed, newborn strength is much more powerful than an aged vampire. In the south, things weren't the same as they are up here. Vampires conquered and divided, battling for territorial grounds. Maria was the most power hungry vampire I ever met, and I served the last half of the 19th century fighting her war… until the Volturi came in and stopped it all."

Hearing that name again sent an involuntary chill up my spine. Their name always seemed to touch multiple points in my new life, in one way or another.

"Is that how you got the scars," I asked, feeling like small as a child listening to a campfire horror story.

Jasper nodded, turning back to what he was previously doing, "So that's why I wonder about you, Isabella Swan. Because I know more about newborns then probably any vampire out there, and you are not normal."

A cold draft swirled around my back. The things I have been told about how newborns were supposed to act made me cringe and silently thank whatever force allowed me to remain myself throughout this whole process. But the delivery of Jasper's words planted a shameful seed, stabbing its roots into my gut.

I shook my head, trying to ignore the new tension in the room. I couldn't spoil this moment worrying about this.

"Were there others like you? That trained newborns?"

Jasper nodded his head, "There were some. Powers aren't very common, even if it may seem so with this family. But the very few Maria did end up recruiting, she kept for longer."

I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by "kept for longer". Did this Maria just exterminate newborns when their strength was no use to her anymore?

"And would these… others… would they have the scars like you?"

"Yeah, I suppose they would," he shrugged his shoulders. And then, I could almost see a light bulb clicking on over his head. "Why do you ask? Have you met someone who looks this way?"

Panic prickled my skin as a black hole sucked all of my thoughts away. Could I tell him? I could barely even tell Edward, much less attempt to do it without breaking down. The seconds ticked away as I deliberated with myself, the room growing hotter and starting to spin.

The garage door opened then, and a comforting calm wrapped around my body. I turned to find Edward standing in the doorway, his features turned down tightly in concern as he looked at me.

"We're just wondering what's taking so long with the tools," he stated to Jasper, making his way over to the two of us. His expression clearly showed that wasn't his true concern at all.

"Bella and I were just having a chat."

Jasper gave him a pointed stare, and I knew he was silently verbalizing the situation to him. Edward's strong arms wrapped around my middle, and he rested his chin on the top of my head, the stress leaving my body almost instantly.

"I'll just take these back inside," Jasper ducked his head down and carried his gathered tools as he walked out of the garage.

I turned around in Edward's arm to face him, worry lines etched across his face.

"What was that about?" he asked, rubbing my lower back in encouragement.

I shook my head as I buried my face into his chest, breathing in his unique, mesmerizing scent. We stood there, embracing each other for several moments, Edward patiently waiting for me to find my words.

"I'm an idiot," I mumbled, thankful for the first time for vampire super hearing. "I think Jasper might know him."

Edward tightened his hold around me, knowing exactly who the "him" was that I referred to.

"He had scars like him," I continued. "I thought maybe talking to Jasper would give me some answers into who he is." My voice cracked with pain and anger, and I could feel another sob welling up in my chest. "I chickened out though…. I didn't know how to tell him."

Edward nuzzled his face into my hair, engulfing me into his body. If I could, I would find a way to make a home inside of Edward, being surrounded by him always. I'd happily settle for this though, as long as he didn't mind.

"He's gone, Bella," Edward spoke, his voice sounding far away. "He's gone forever and never coming back."

"I know," I sighed.

"I know you won't ever forget. We never forget anything in this body. But don't live your life searching for him. He isn't worth it."

I nodded my head in affirmation against him, pressing harder into his body, seeking the warm pressure I needed right now. I understood Edward's sentiments and hidden warning, but I couldn't fully accept it. Not now. Despite tearing him to pieces with my own hands, seeing his separated parts scattered at my feet, there are moments when I feel a crawl up my spine and my mind always returns to his red, glowing eyes.

"You should get back to helping them," I said after a while, feeling my composure coming back to me.

"No, they can manage it themselves," he argued. "You need me."

"It's okay," I pulled my head away to show him my face. "I'm fine. It'll get done faster if you help, and I think if you leave them alone, Emmett will just end up chunking something else through it."

Edward gave a half-hearted smile at my attempt to ease the situation, concern still visibly holding him here.

"Tonight, it'll just be you and me," he said, his voice soothing over my skin. "I'll take you somewhere."

"Another one of your hide-a-ways?" I teased, secretly reveling in his proposition.

Edward smiled, "Not really. It's nothing fancy. Just a place I know."

* * *

As promised, when the moon was high in the sky, Edward came to my room and invited me to accompany him on a midnight stroll. I giggled and accepted his arm. He led us out of the house and on a trail winding south.

"So where are you taking me this time?"

Edward's smile was even more gorgeous in the moonlight, "It's a guest cabin we have on our property. It's well over a hundred years old, and Esme renovated it as a side project the last time we lived here. We mostly use it for when the Denalis come to visit or Jasper's friends, Peter and Charlotte, so that they'll have a place for some privacy."

Privacy. My body hummed to the music in his voice as he spoke the word.

"Why didn't you put me in this place when I first came?"

"Alice knew you wouldn't be just a guest," his eyes shied down to the ground as his smile grew. "She had a vision of you arriving on the Denali's land and coming to stay with us. All she would really tell any of us is that you would be "a part of the family". At the time I wasn't sure what she meant, but now I think she saw this happening between us."

An enormous smile stretched the skin of my cheeks as I thought of all the times Alice had pushed me in this direction. She had been more subtle in the beginning, but in hindsight, I began cataloging her previous hints.

"She had been meddling in everything up until now," I responded, inflecting the up most of gratitude in my voice.

"For someone who can see the future, Alice is extremely impatient, especially when she knows it'll make one of us happy. She does everything she can to push us to that path."

The trail came to an end in front of a quaint log cabin, a fun-size version of the Denali's home. My mind briefly wandered to the human who built this long before, wondering how they were able to survive the harsh Alaskan winters… or if they even did survive. I felt a twinge of guilt at the disconnectedness I felt to their suffering. I could no longer freeze (at least not in this climate). I couldn't starve or fall to my death bed from a microscopic invader. I felt more connected to this building, solid and hard on its foundation, weathered by the natural elements, renewed from loving hands, and standing still through time witnessing the people, the trees, the grass, the earth die all around it.

Edward leaned in close and his voice dropped a few octaves as he spoke, "What are you thinking?"

Shivers ran down my body, descending to the point resting between my thighs. I was pulled away from my ponderings by the curiosity in his vioce, and I slowly turned my head in his direction, our lips grazing past one another. All thoughts of undead gloom erased from my mind as Edward's hard jaw and strong neck called to me. Consideration of his true intentions of bringing me out here flickered against the background.

"Edward," his name tasted savory against my tongue. "I love you."

Two strong hands grasped the sides of my head, tangling fingers through my hair. Edward's breath quivered as he steadied himself in front of me, blowing his sweet breath across my lips. With our foreheads pressed together, he spoke.

"I….," he stopped, sucking in a deep breath to steady himself. "I want you to be mine. I know now that all those years of waiting were meant for me to wait for you. I know my destiny is to spend the rest of eternity by your side, whether it's the rest of our time on earth or wherever we go after. I want you to be my partner, my friend, my mate, my family. And…" he paused again, shuddering as he exhaled.

"I _want_ you."

The fluttering life force that Edward placed in my chest exploded, revving my body and setting my soul afire. I pushed up on my feet, throwing my arms around his strong shoulders, pressing my lips to his. His hands left the tresses of my hair, grabbing a hold of my backside and lifting me against his body. I hardly noticed as he pushed through the front door, carrying me inside.

My back hit a soft, spring mattress all before our first kiss could end. Edward pulled away first, and my body roared, upset at the loss of contact. I ran my fingers through his messy hair, pulling him back down. Edward met my insistence with an open mouth, kissing me with a new intensity. The pressure was harder now, pushing down forcefully on my mouth and hips, every place his body eclipsed mine. He kissed and held me in desperation, seeking the contact he had gone so long without. I ached for him. I grieved his isolation and yearned to be the one to erase it away forever.

I ran my fingers up his torso, my hands coming together at the center of his chest where the first button of his shirt resided. I pinched the fabric between the pads of my fingers, storing the texture to memory, and then flicked the shirt undone, my hands working like a determined spider down its web. I pushed the shirt open, the tips of my fingers gliding over his smooth chest, a light dusting of hair sparking electric currents down my arms. Edward's lips and tongue left my tingling mouth, and he shrugged the shirt off his shoulders. I stared unabashedly at his naked skin, the moonlight painting his already alabaster skin a creamy white. Contouring shadows carved ridges over his shoulders and down to his hips, finishing the last touches on this artwork of a man.

He came off of his knees, laying all of his weight down on top of me. He captured my mouth in another kiss, tenderly taking his time now as he nipped and sucked at my bottom lip. The slow movements turned my fire down to a slow simmer, and reality set in, giving me a moment to collect my thoughts. I had never been this way with anyone before, and just yesterday I was kissing Edward for the first time, learning what it was to love another being's body. I was surprised by how natural this came to me now and how unafraid I was lying underneath him, wanting and needing to be touched by him.

Edward removed my clothes one by one, taking his time to drink in every patch of skin newly revealed to him. He kissed me across my shoulders as he pushed down my bra straps, running his slick tongue against my collar bone. My nipples hardened, and he removed the garment with a snap at my back, tossing it into the black abyss of the room. I waited with my arms splayed against the pillow, feeling the cold smoothness of the headboard above me. Edward stared for several painful moments, stroking a predatory path from my hip to the bottom of my ribs. He finally took the plunge, teasing the peaks of my breasts with his tongue. The intensity of his suckling caused me to clench my muscles in pleasure, contracting and relaxing my thighs as an area only touched a few times by me throbbed for contact. Since the start of this new journey, my whole body quivered for him, seeking out his mouth and running across the expanse of his back. But now all of that attention seeking centered in my center, pulsing even without a pulse.

I whimpered as he pulled away from his ministrations, finding that I had been pressing myself unashamedly against his abdomen. He sat back, unbuttoning his pants at a slow crawl, and I thought I had saw his hands shake as he tossed them to the floor. Edward now sat before me just as nature intended, naked and exposed for my eyes only. I sat up, joining him where he rested between my bent knees. Edward followed my movements closely with his eyes, the only movement coming was the subtle rise and fall of his chest from his shallow breathing.

I placed my hands palm down against his flat obliques, his muscles tensing under my touch.

"I'm nervous," I said, not feeling nervous at all.

"I am, too," he whispered back, still waiting for me to make my move.

I wrapped my hand around his engorged shaft, unsure about how to go about this. Instinctually, I moved my hand up and down by my wrist, and he released a violent quiver from his bated breath. He felt thick and warm, warmer than any other part of his body, in my grasping hand, and I watched in fascination as his smooth skin moved easily with my movements, the darkened head round and pulling his skin taut as he grew even bigger from my touch.

"Stop," he grasped my flexing wrist, his breath heavier than before. "This will end much too quickly if you continue."

I simply nodded my head, too stunned and shocked by the eroticism of what I just did to him. I couldn't believe my boldness, but seeing Edward struggle with his confidence awoken a new girl inside of me. A girl willing to take the lead. My risk definitely paid off because Edward now stared into my eyes, his golden irises smoldering as he leaned over me. I fell back on the pillow beneath me, my vision still trained on Edward's stare, his shoulders moving like a cat stalking its prey. I jumped slightly at the feel of his fingers pulling down on the elastic band of my underwear, the last barrier between us. The air around me felt cold, but I knew it was from the empty expanse between our now revealed, overheated bodies needing to close the space and finally feel complete.

I wrapped my legs around his slender hips, bringing him down to rest where I needed him most. His mouth sucked and nipped at the lobe of my ear, grazing down my neck until he came to rest at the base of my shoulder. He slid his shaft against my folds, an experimental thrust that tortured my ache for him.

"Please," I felt the word spill from my lips.

I tensed and squeezed the lower half of my body as he entered me, not prepared for the intensity of the pain or the pleasure. Both were sharp and hard in contrast, and Edward seemed to know before I did, kissing my eyes and cheeks to soothe the tension. The dual sensation dulled once he was completely in, waiting for me to adjust. I squeezed his shoulder blades in encouragement, needing to feel this. As Edward slowly pulled out, the pain spiraled out of the picture, leaving room for the tingling, electric sensations to two-fold, building and building as he pushed back inside of me again.

It wasn't long until I was moving with him, meeting his thrusts halfway, intensifying the surge flowing through us. He grew confident that the pain had finally left and put more power in his pounding hips, the wooden feet holding up the bed splintering beneath our force. Like before, I felt as if I couldn't get close enough, wrapping myself tighter around him, as he buried himself deep inside of me. The tight pressure inside of me grew with each thrust, feeling like the worst and best strain every place on my body. Just when I thought I couldn't squeeze myself tight enough, Edward bit down on the base of my neck, growling as I came undone beneath him. Edward's thrusts turned erratic, and in seconds he was joining me in my spiral through oblivion.

* * *

**AN2:** I hope that was in character enough for you guys. There is nothing that peeves me more then OOC smut fics for EB. LOL, also, I've noticed with my previous chapter fics, I tend to write shorter smut scenes and leave the longer ones for oneshots. IDK what came over me with this one, but I hope you all enjoyed it. I'm hoping to get back on a regular updating schedule like before. And remember.... Review please!


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